Drive By Shopping 

Our local Meijer’s finally got their curbside pick up working on the website, which is AMAZING with the weather being frigid and snowy, plus now I get to be a responsible citizen and keep from spreading the Virus of Doom. WINNING. 

I will say it’s a little weird basically using a drive thru at the grocery store, but it makes things so much easier for us. It also keeps me on a budget when I can order exactly what I need instead of rambling off down a random aisle and picking up $50 of stuff I just want. Lol. Oh I’m so glad they finally got it working. Drive thru my Starbucks on the way to the store, sip on my coffee while they load up my groceries, drive back to the apartment and keep the kids all toasty warm. It the all American shopping experience right there! 

I’m going to have to find something else to do for cardio during the week though since I’m not going to be lugging 80lbs worth of Little’s plus whatever in groceries around the store anymore lol. I don’t think I’ll use the service when the weather warms back up, or at least not as much but it sure is great going into winter.

Yay!! Something good happened for a change!! 😊

Is ‘Tis the Season?

The title of this post basically sums up my brain in a nutshell this year. It’s December, the Christmas holiday which I’ve been doing really well with the past few years is upon us and I have zero Christmas Spirit. Between moving, the Twins’ celebrating their birthday, and being away from my Hubs, it just doesn’t feel like Christmas at all.

Little is super excited, and I’m trying my hardest to do the usual Christmasy things she really enjoys, but I feel like it’s all falling flat this year. 2016 has been brutal. I feel like I’m just bracing for the next tragedy, surviving through life and not particularly enjoying it this year. Now I’m confined to the apartment with three sickish kids, and it’s like the holiday isn’t even really happening. It’s just the mundane in and outs of motherhood from sunrise to sunset. 

It’s not a depressive state, it’s more like a suspended state. If I didn’t have my calendar to keep track of the days passing I think I would lose track all together. It’s kind of like when you go outside on a really windy day… all of the wind is just rushing around you carrying leaves, bits of trash, whatever rushing past you but you’re just standing there watching. You can feel the wind, like I can feel time passing but there are no visible indications. If that makes sense? I’m rambling lol. 

The apartment is clean, organized, dusted and vacuumed. The kids are asleep. I’m bored with binge watching Netflix, and I’ve already gone through my weight circuits leaving me with nothing much to do but tap away at my keyboard, waiting for time to pass EVER so slowly. 

Quarantine for Christmas

One more GLORIOUS trip to the ER over the weekend has put us on self imposed quarantine for the next two-three weeks. 

Little woke up Saturday morning, her hands and feet itchy and swollen. I thought it was an allergic reaction at first, so I tossed her in the bathtub hoping to wash whatever offending allergen off. She cleared up a little bit, until nap time then it came right back with a vengeance, so I called the pediatrician on call and waited to talk to them hoping to get a dose of Benadryl I could administer and be done with it. 

I think this is the first time in the history we have with our pediatrician that she wasn’t the one on call during our after hours problem. So we spoke to another doctor. She listened to all of the symptoms I described; then decided to call and confirm with another doctor in the practice. At this point I’m starting to freak out a little bit. Little was behaving normally, she just had swollen hands and feet. In addition to an allergy I personally suspected hand foot and mouth since that’s made a resurgence here locally in past weeks, but she didn’t have the classic spots or lesions. She wasn’t really even in PAIN, just swollen. Still, on the heels of another viral infection HDFM isn’t a far fetched assumption. I was expecting the doctor to come back with one of those two scenarios instead I get a phone call: “we think it’s best if she’s seen in the ER right away.” 

So I call Hubs, immediately bundle up the Twins and pile everyone into the car shuffling back off to the ER, as my stomach drops out my toes thinking something is drastically wrong with Little. We get there, and as the nurse is checking us in she goes “oh, I bet this is just hand foot and mouth. It’s a virus, but nothing to worry about. We’ll see what the doctor says.”

One hour and several hundred dollars later the doctor says: “she just has hand foot and mouth. It’s highly contagious for about two weeks, so be prepared for everyone to get it.” 

I was simulateously relieved and perturbed. Relieved that my Little didn’t have some weird viral complication, or severe allergy to something and perturbed that the doctor on call immediately defaulted to sending us to the ER instead of thinking about the most logical, simple answer which would be hand foot and mouth. The virus that is spreading like wildfire this winter. I thought about it, and if Little had shown the more classic symptoms I wouldn’t have even bothered to call the pediatrician unless her fever spiked. But as is usual per my kids: most random off the wall vague symptoms. 

Boooo…. while it’s going to be awful on everyone I’m sort of hoping everyone gets it at the same time. That way we’ll know for sure when it’s over and safe to venture back out into public. Well it’s safe for us to go out now, but it’s not responsible to take sick kids out spreading germs and misery everywhere. If everyone starts displaying symptoms tomorrow we’ll be contagious until Christmas Day, officially destroying any and all attempts to spend time with Hubs or anyone else over the Holiday.

2016 needs to hurry up and gtfo. It’s been one mess after another, and I’m over it. 

The Secrets of 1,000 Lifetimes

Untangled

The secrets of 1,000 lifetimes

lay within those deep dark eyes.

When she sits upon the water, she shares her burden

with the ancient ears of the seas.

Breathing in, she closes her eyes

feels the crest of the wave wash over her.

She is at Peace.

alexis-rose

©words and photo: Alexis Rose

front-cover-biz-card-final

Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph

http://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph/dp/1514213222

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph-ebook/dp/B013XA4856

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The End

Debatably Dateable

The End didn’t feel like the end.

There was no fight,

no declaration, no closure.

Only silence.

-October 2016

Photo Credit

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Traditions, and Hydration

The Littles and I took a turn for the better this morning and we needed to pick up a few groceries from the store. The Twins still weren’t 100%, but everyone was feeling well enough that I didn’t feel like I was a walking biohazard spreading germs gallore taking them out. Everyone ate and kept down breakfast, the Twins drank a glass of water before we all bundled up and headed out. I didn’t think too much of it honestly. 

While we were out, we walked though the Christmas aisle. It’s been a tradition for the House of Hale to purchase a new ornaments for the tree every year. We don’t have our actual tree this year since it’s stashed away in storage, but we went a head and bought some anyway hanging them on our make shift tree. 


Little chose the pink one (obviously lol) and I picked up the E’s for all the kids. Yes… Hubs and I share the same first initial K, and our kids have E names. Little and B2 often go by their nicknames, but all of their formal names are E’s. I’m weird about things like that lol. 


I also found this AMAZING knit decorative pillow. It’s a sweater campfire!! If I love one thing more than names that begin with the same initials, it’s sweaters and all things knit. I kind of had to have it.

We finished getting our things from the store, and headed home. The kids were all tired, but not interested in lunch, Little included so I gave them all a big glass/sippy cups of pedialyte and put them down for naps. Pretty much business as usual until I went to check on the Twins. It about gave me a heart attack, and if he hadn’t shuffled around when I opened the door I would have thought B1 was in serious trouble. His feet were blue. 

I scooped him up, and he just sort of flopped his head onto my shoulder, alert enough but not quite all there. Totally out of character for my B1, so I called our pediatrician who obviously suggested he be seen immediately. Well being about an hour away from the office, we didn’t really have the option to be seen by our pediatrician. I found a sitter for Little, shuffled her off and took both boys with me to the local ER. 

There is a children’s hospital close enough to our apartment I could practically throw a rock and hit it, but it didn’t have emergency services nor did the urgent care/walk in service start until after 6pm. Makes sense when most people have local pediatricians with office hours before then. For me, who hasn’t had a need to find a local pediatrician until TODAY, it was pretty inconvenient. So off to the General ER we went. 

B2 didn’t turn blue like B1 had, but on the off chance that what we were dealing with wasn’t a normal stomach virus I wanted both of them with me to receive immediate care. Little was mending much better than the Twins and could be seen later if absolutely necessary. Thankfully, one giant hospital bill later, it was just mild dehydration. We lounged around a hospital room while B1 drank measured amounts of juice for two hours and everything was good to go. 

I thought I had been keeping up with his fluid intake pretty well, but being sick myself I guess we all got a little bit dried out. My kids and their weird symptoms. Is there anywhere online that says: “limbs may discolor” during infant dehydration?? NO. I looked waiting to hear back from my pediatrician. Kind of like vomiting blood isn’t really listed as a classic sign of pyloric stenosis, my kid turns blue when he’s slightly dehydrated instead of getting a dry mouth, or saggy skin. *sigh* He skips right over the classic symptoms and goes straight for OMG WTF SCARY symptoms lol. 

He’s going to keep me on my toes that little B1. But hey, at least I’m feeling pretty much better now so as long as I can keep up with everyone’s fluids we shouldn’t have any more issues and get back to enjoying our holiday traditions. 

The Next Chapter


I’m not pregnant. Although with the way my luck has been running lately I wouldn’t be surprised, even after taking the steps to permanently put the kibosh on future pregnancies. Lol. No, I’m glad that chapter of my life is over. Not the healthy pregnancies which resulted in my Littles, but the anticipation, anxiety, hope, and devastation when I lost pregnancies like the one commemorated with this picture.  

After eighteen months of trying, one previous loss with Hubs, we had a positive. I waited a few more days and took two more tests just to be certain.  After three positive pregnancy tests, and figuring out my last period which put me at seven weeks, everything was going well or so I thought. Then came the eight week  ultrasound, where it was discovered that I had a blighted ovum. I had lost the baby weeks before, but my body had yet to catch up with hormone production, and the ugly, painful parts of miscarriage. 

Even though my doctor offered me different methods to initiate the end of the cycle immediately, I chose to wait it out for three more weeks until nature took its course. I would have just been 12 weeks when the final stages of the miscarriage began. 

It hit me hard. Much harder than my previous losses, only because I was so sure everything would go well with my three positive tests, a healthy, successful pregnancy resulting in my daughter, and no indication that this pregnancy would be any different. We made Christmas cards for my parents, and Kevin’s parents including this picture with the projected due date never expecting anything to go wrong.

Then, on Dec 29th we learned the truth and it sent me on a downward spiral of PTSD relapse resulting in a lot of other lingering issues being brought to light, which I was able to address in the few months between this loss, and the conception of my Twins. It was an enormous healing experience over all, so today it’s not a sad memory so much as a footnote. A brief pause to remember the Little I never got to meet, and an excuse to hug the ones I have been blessed with. 

Gotta Stop Using Certain Words

My post on Monday described how awful November had been using a particular interweb adjective…

Bad choice of words because yesterday all the kids and I came down with a stomach bug. In my four years of parenting experience with Little we managed to skip stomach flu, food poisoning anything that involved vomiting or bowel issues. Now it’s like Poopmagedon around here!! 

Poor little B1 got the worst of it. He can barely keep anything down, and he’s been dry heaving too. B2 is primarily diaper changes, and Little is big enough to run to the toilet. But yes… so November wasn’t “shatacular” December has earned that title!! 😩😳😷

Order!

So this new apartment is much nicer than our other one. It’s basically the same layout, and the complex is run by the same property management company so all of that is the same, but this one seems to have had just a little bit extra care and attention given to it over the years. The complex was built at the same time as our old one, but this one isn’t in the shambles of neglect lol. 

I finally got all of our things organized and unpacked today. It feels cozy and comfortable again. It actually feels more cozy without a draft blowing through the entire place lol. Our old building was a westward facing building and no matter what happened there was always a cold draft blowing through. This one sits kind of catty corner to the South giving us a really nice windbreak, and SUNSHINE at all hours of daylight. 

Omg how I missed the sun!! We only got a few hours of dusk to come through the windows at our other place. It always felt dark and gloomy in there. Here I can open my blinds and enjoy the bright sunlight all day. I’ll probably hate it if we stay here through Summer, but right now when the days are short and the light is fleeting? I’ll take it! 

Good Riddance 

November started on a shatacular note, and it ended on a super collosal shatacular note. I’m glad it’s behind me.

It was so emotionally challenging I can’t even properly articulate why it was so awful. The election, my grandpa’s death anniversary, Thanksgiving, being in Ohio over the holiday, its all just been one great big fucking nightmare that I felt like wouldn’t come to an end. Of course it did, December is brightened by my Twins’ first birthday, followed by a whirlwind trip to Indy for doctor’s appointments and other errands I’ve been shuffling off forever. 

There’s also Christmas to look forward to, which means spending plenty of extra time with Hubs. This year is really the first year Little is extra excited for the Christmas holiday. She can’t wait. I feel bad that we don’t have all of our decorations here. She was looking forward to a tree, and decorating it but with all the moving around we’re doing it’s been left in storage. She did make me this tree though, and I think it’s much better than any of those store bought things. 


I definitely have a budding artist on my hands that’s for sure. 

She helped me make the Twins’ smash cake last night! I’m still trying to figure out how to accomplish a smash cake event in my apartment without ruining the carpet lol. I think I’m just going to put out a sheet in the living room floor or something. They need to smash cakes. It’s a rite of passage for all children from infancy to toddlerhood. Lol.

Or, hey! I could give them the cake IN THE BATHTUB. Yes! That’s it! Totally giving my kids their smash cake in the bathtub. That’s a parenting win right there for sure! 

Ugh… the month is young, but starting off on the right foot. Let’s all hope it stays that way. Good riddance November!!