Kelli Goes to Court

Another old post that didn’t make it to publication last year. I held this one waiting to see the outcome of reporting my rape to law enforcement. Since things have pretty much settled down on that front I felt comfortable publishing the details of my case here. Not that I have any details that will affect the case. It’s still open, but it’s not likely to move forward. Unless my assailant has another mental breakdown followed by several WTF moments and gets caught anyway. Possible? Yes. Probable? Not likely. At least he’s not likely to pursue me anymore if his head gets away from him again. I’ve accepted the “end” to my case. But now I feel comfortable publishing it too. 

Omg this summer has been ridiculous. I’ve spent more time in legal battles over the past summer than I’ve ever been entangled in the court system before in my life. Now that I can finally talk about it…

The whole thing started with my mom and the assault. That was weird being swept up by the state and county prosecutor tumbled headlong into the most drawn out, court case I’ve ever seen. Of course before that incident I hadn’t been involved in any court preceedings lol. I’ve always been threatened with things, but this was the first time I actually went through everything.

Then, our builder tried to ghost us and leave our contract in limbo. That was an entire fiasco in itself holding everything up as far as purchasing a new home went. So I’ve got criminal court over here with my mom, and small claims court over there with the builder. I wanted to take it further and report him to the licensing board, county, state, BBB, you name it but I couldn’t because everything was in Hubs’ name. He just wanted to be done so we could buy a home. The more rational decision for sure, but my inate sense of justice was crushed. That happens a lot so I’m rather used to it by now lol.

THEN… things exploded with my ex and I finally filed a report about the rape/abuse I endured during the beginning stages of our relationship. That was the icing on the cake so to speak. The entire reason I ended up reporting the incident in the first place is because we got into an argument here on my blog. Instead of leaving me alone after we each said our piece, he continued to pursue me by sending me several emails. He wasn’t threatening by the legal definition, but his intentions were clearly implied. I responded to his emails asking that he discontinue further contact. He didn’t. So I called the police and submitted all of our most recent contact for them to review. Of course the fight we got into was about my S.A.A.M. advocacy and finally speaking up as a victim of a violent crime at his hand.

During the entire fiasco with two different police departments trying to get everything sorted out in the right jurisdiction, several officers asked me if he had indeed raped me. I answered honestly that he had which is why I began writing about it in the first place. The only thing that each jurisdiction could agree on is that I needed to go forward and file the report making my claims official. Off I went to a THIRD jurisdiction to file the report. It had been almost eleven years since the crime had occurred at that point, and while I was within the statute of limitations for that jurisdiction they still didn’t have enough physical evidence to build a solid case. The investigation is still technically open, and each jurisdiction has my name and contact information so I can testify if he finds himself in trouble again.

Which is absolutely killing me. I only wanted to take the appropriate steps to get him to leave me and my family alone. Now I’m wrapped up in three different jurisdictions for at least nine more years when the statute expires on my case. I appreciate the effort made by each officer, prosecutor and victims advocate I spoke to. They want to help me. They know that I’m a victim, but their hands are tied in bureaucracy. I don’t have any physical evidence that is solid enough for the US legal system to go on. It’s enough for law enforcement to verify that I’m not making false accusations, but it’s not enough for the lawyers and prosecutors to take the case in front of a judge.

It’s political. No one stands to gain anything from my case going forward. They’re keeping it on the back burner on the off chance that they need something highly publicized to boost their career. Maybe during the next election cycle the file will be opened again, but until then I’m just left in limbo with countless other victims who couldn’t come forward immediately or didn’t have “enough evidence” when they did. It’s disheartening to say the least, but it’s the way things are. This is why I continue my advocacy. This is why I keep on telling my story. It may not make a difference in my lifetime, but it will make a difference over all. Eventually the politicians won’t be able to ignore the Voice of the Innocent any longer.

On Their Knees

I’m not a fan of football. I never have been, and probably never will be beyond my kids potentially playing for school someday. Even so, it’s been impossible to ignore the conflict that’s been part of the NFL for the past two seasons. I’m going to share a status that a friend of mine who served in Afghanistan wrote on Facebook, because his sentiments pretty much match my own, with the exception that I never served in the armed forces.

“I served in the Army in Afghanistan and I gotta say. I don’t feel disrespected when people use their first amendment right to kneel during the national anthem at a football game. I personally don’t think that’s gonna change anything. No asshole abusive cop is gonna be watching the game in his Cheetos covered boxers and see players kneeling and go ” damn I’m an asshole maybe I should stop. But it’s what they choose to do and they aren’t destroying our country like the increasing debt we are acquiring. Or the wars/ conflicts we keep plunging ourselves into.”

I do understand why people are upset. I understand how it’s perceived as disrespectful to kneel during the national anthem and why so many people feel as though it’s a slap in the face of our service members. I also understand why Mr. Kaepernick began his protest, and honestly I’m not upset by it. I’m not upset by his motivations, nor am I upset that he chose to kneel during the anthem. Why should you salute an entity that grants you the freedom of choice not to upon a moral disagreement? Like… I mean it’s a big part of the reason the country is what it is. Granting it’s people the ability to say: “hey, y’know what? I don’t respect what this flag has come to represent in terms of treatment for people of color. I’m not going to pretend that I do by standing in salute to the flag.”

That’s what makes the US, what it is. Taking that away from anyone (yes, unfortunately that even includes the ass backwards racists, white supremacists, and facists) destroys the core of why the US is different than many other countries in the world. If we begin to demand undying, and unwavering loyalty to the State, we really aren’t too far off from Russia or North Korea. At the very basic level of concept, seriously. It’s no different.

I know it’s infinitely more complicated than that. There are different nuances that can be debated and argued for eternity. I’m only saying that I think this division and drama over something so trivial, and speaking on behalf of “ALL veterans” or “ALL people of color” is presumptuous to say the least. Those who chose to kneel have the right to do so, and those who are offended have the right to be so.

Continuing to bicker over it week after week is ridiculous. If you don’t like why these athletes are choosing to kneel, how about you listen to what they have to say? They want to see a change for the better in their communities. It’s not like they’re kneeling because they’re lazy or want an extra million tacked on to their already, outlandish salaries. Mr. Kaepernick has spent his time off the field donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to charity, and participating in positive community events around the country. He’s a rare breed of celebrity who actually wants to use his status to make a difference. He isn’t trying to sell himself by being as outspoken or outlandish as possible (Kardashians anyone?) he is standing up for his beliefs. Beliefs that will better the world as a whole. 

On a personal level, watching this debate unfold over the course of a week or so on my social media has really opened my eyes. I was very skeptical, from my privileged point of view, that racisim did in fact still exist in the United States. Now? I get it. I can stand here and say that racism and oppression of minorities does, in fact, still run rampant in the thoughts and minds of America. I can say that I was blind in my privilege. I can’t speak for the majority of the American population, but if nothing else Mr. Kaepernick’s actions have made a positive difference in my own life. So thank you, Mr. Kaepernick. #takeaknee