Crawling Out

The past week has been the most severe symptomatic relapse I’ve had since 2016. PTSD is a bitch that way and sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It’s been difficult, but it hasn’t been detrimental. With the support of my wonderful Hubs I’m already beginning to feel better. It will take time to completely return to the stability I had before, but having the proper tools in my arsenal to combat my symptoms makes things significantly easier.

The other day, Hubs came home from work gathered the kids and let me take a much needed break from the world. I curled up in my favorite hoodie with my favorite blanket, popped in a pair of earplugs to drown out the children and just hid from life for about two hours. Eventually I fell asleep, but the sleep wasn’t the product of physical exhaustion. My brain just needed to shut tf down and allow my hormones to reset in the midst of the chaos.

He didn’t just watch the kids for me either. He prepared dinner and gave me the space I needed to reboot. I felt much better. Still not entirely stable, but MUCH better than I did before. Hopefully this weekend I can get a few more hours to detox from my emotional overload as I continue to move forward through this adventure.

The car is gone. I was content to leave everything behind with it, but my dad thought it better to collect any personal belongings before it went to auction. I don’t know if my ex ever went to see the car or not. I gave him the opportunity. What he did with it was his choice. Dad went and gathered whatever was left yesterday and now I have several boxes of random stuff sitting in my parents garage waiting for me to go through it.

I get Dad’s reasoning. I didn’t look through every scrap of paper littering the floor boards or glove box. There could be some personal information in there somewhere that random people don’t need access to. Not that I have any credit worth stealing or that any of it would be valid 13 years later but… I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry. Hopefully I’ll be in a better emotional place when I get around to coming down to sort through it all.

Of course this all happened when my therapist is out of town. I have an appointment, but it’s not for a few weeks. I’m on my own until then flailing about as I figure all of this out. lol. I think I’ve written more here in the past week than I have in the past nine months. Lol. It’s been helpful to maintain my moors. Overall, I’m just glad I’m able to crawl out of this mess in one piece. It’s been a journey to get here, but it’s all been worth it.