In my last post I mentioned the name I chose for my first child if the pregnancy had come to term. I’d never really thought much about it too wrapped up in the grief of losing the pregnancy and the abusive relationship with the father. However looking back on it now I wanted to note it.
I remembered my ex being very adamant about naming our first son Jeremy because he had some sort of attachment to the name. He explained it as being tied into a certain song. I remember because he wasn’t particularly a fan of the band and it seemed odd that he would choose to name his child after a random song. He was dead set on naming the child Jeremy after the Pearl Jam song by the same name.
Going back and actually looking at the song itself and then delving into the inspiration behind said song… WOW. I really hope that the song was just a convienent mask for his true attachment to the name, because… yeah.
The song was penned in memorandum of a young boy who chose to end his life by self inflicted gunshot in the middle of English class one afternoon. The story was similar to most stories of young suicide. The boy was ostracized and bullied without repreve. He didn’t have a stable home life and no support from his peers and saw death as his only escape.
My ex told me he loved the song because he could relate to it, and that made it significant enough for him to want to bestow the moniker on our first born son. I believe that he could relate to the song considering the strained relationship he has with his father, but to want to attach an innocent child to such pain is a little… I guess it just highlights his state of mind during our relationship over all really.
But… of course, so many years after our relationship eventually came to an end my ex has since confessed that 90% of everything he ever told me was a lie. So who the hell knows what his real attachment was to the name. Apparently it was genuinely significant for something. God only knows.