Last weekend finished out our last full week of summer break. Little is off to first grade this year, and Champ is starting preschool. Already… I can’t believe two of my Littles are off into the big wide world. It seems like just yesterday I was snuggling with infants and now they’re growing up so fast I don’t really know how to take it all. lol.
We celebrated the end of Summer with a loosely planned get together. Many of you know that Hubs and I made amends with his ex-wife and became quite good friends all around several years ago. She, her current husband and kids come over quite frequently. More recently her brother has also taken an interest in renewing his relationship with Hubs. So Hubs’ ex brother in law basically. lol. He and his girlfriend also joined us over the weekend.
We all had a great time. We joked about the circumstances a few moments and then continued on discussing life, sharing stories and just generally having a good time with one another. Bro-in law even brought over an entire case of Girl Scout Thin Mints for us, and popsicles for the kids like any good uncle should really. lol.
Of course all of this happening on the heels of a recent spar with my own ex and his current wife made me reflect on it all. It also made me a little bit sad. I guess the fact that I’ve never reached peace with my ex is really quite a testament to the horrible toxicity of the relationship over all. I’ve accepted that there will never be peace between he and I. We can go for years without interacting, but the moment something hits the right nerve everything explodes again even if it’s as random as an email address being hijacked for SPAM or innocently ending up in the wrong place at the wrong time while visiting my parents. The wounds are still festering on his end and any opportunity he has to let me know he usually does. If not him reacting to some perceived slight, his wife will create drama over absolutely nothing trying to get a rise out of him and a reaction out of me.
Our quiet lulls between fights is about as peaceful as it will ever be in regards to the end of our relationship. I never had much of a relationship with his family so I’m not missing anything in that regard, but it would be nice if I could safely appreciate their positive albeit extremely brief impact on my young adulthood without fear of the world crashing down around me, accusations being hurled or drama being created.
Maybe it is a bit unorthodox, but I’ve never had any issues repairing relationships as long as they’re mutually healthy. I’m thrilled that Hubs has been able to repair the bonds he had with his ex and her family. Both she and him knew their marriage wasn’t a good idea from the get go and the end of the relationship was difficult, but not devastating. Once we all grew and matured a little bit it was easy to take ownership of our missteps and reestablish boundaries forging new friendships. I love his “other” family and I’m happy to call them our friends.
Just because things don’t work out romantically or in a marital sense doesn’t mean you immediately stop caring about someone. If the love was real the relationship can be repaired even if it takes on a different roll in your life and I think it’s beautiful when it happens. Hubs and his ex were great friends. They really love one another, but they weren’t good partners. They needed different strengths in their partners to thrive, which they found at the expense of their friendship. Which really hurt for both of them. Now, having their friendship restored, in addition to their stable partnership they’re both thriving. Hubs is a completely different person. He’s more open with me, he’s more confident expressing his feelings when we have a disagreement… I mean… it’s like a weight was lifted off of him, and it makes my heart soar to see him so happy.
On the flip side… when things are not healthy, and the love was one sided or all together nonexistent there isn’t any reason to pursue anything further, friendship or otherwise. It will just hold you back and hurt everyone involved. At that point it’s sabotage not nurturing and no amount of Thin Mints can change that.