Not Done Yet

Yes, I admit this is pointless and trivial, but I’m not done ranting. I’ve got almost five years of shit to process/laugh at. I’m sifting and picking through the points I want to address vs ignore. This one is probably the last one because the other ones I’ve already addressed a millionty times before…

August. Every two years in August my ex’s wife reaches out to me. Last year I was battling my pneumonia/sepsis and cut her tf off before she even had a chance to really say much. She was upset, obviously. For a very brief while I thought maybe I was being too harsh. At least until she posted why she wanted to talk to me publicly.

I can fully admit when I’ve made a mistake and misjudged someone’s character. I’ll even apologize and retract what I’ve written/said if it’s warranted. When I’m wrong about someone. When I’m not wrong about my judgement in character I stand by my words 1000%

When I got out of the hospital and had the emotional space to return to deal with her, I asked a friend to read the public post she left for me in leu of a private conversation. I was told she wanted forgiveness so I let her have it. She still has my forgiveness, although she hasn’t altered any of her behaviors and I’m not really certain she truly deserves any… but that’s not what forgiveness is about so whatever. I don’t care how insanely bitchy she’s been during my recovery process. I know hearing/reading about how her husband abused me is hard to process/believe especially if he’s never treated her the same way. This is why I gave her a heads up before I started posting anything about it. She initially gave me her blessing too btw.

The problem I have with her, is her irreverent disrespect of boundaries. She gives zero shits about how her actions affect anyone else and selfishly seeks to serve only herself and her agenda. After actually reading what she had to say vs just hearing about it second hand I actually laughed out loud. “Oh well I recognize that you went through some trauma, but I’m not looking for forgiveness. I just want to make myself feel better by telling you that for no apparent reason. Let me just violate all the boundaries you’ve set by sliding into your DMs and fucking calling you to admit I was wrong about your PTSD.” That’s basically what she said which proves my original assessment of her character 100% right. AND SHE POSTED IT NOT ONCE BUT TWICE.

It isn’t about you, it’s about me. Twice. After violating my requests to leave me alone.

I can admit that I struggled with respecting boundaries in the past as well. I never had them growing up and went through quite a learning curve to catch up to most other people, but I learned and adjusted my behavior.

Let’s go back to running into my ex’s family while I lived in the same town as a good example: before my diagnosis and recovery if I ran into them I’d probably have approached them and tried to start a conversation or at least sent a letter or made a phone call. Y’know… kind of like my mom did the entire time I was dating their son. Lol. That’s what I was taught. That’s the example I had growing up, which isn’t very healthy or respectful at all.

NOW: I understand how unhealthy and disrespectful that approach is, and wouldn’t dream of doing something so ludicrous. Even though I’d really like the chance to have a conversation and/or apologize in person for my poor behavior and misjudgment of their character in my book I’m not going to interrupt their lives for my own gratification. If they want my apology face to face and happen to see me in public they can approach me. Otherwise, it’s live and let live.

The same, however, does NOT go for you Ms Stalker Pants. You’ve proven yourself to be violent and destructive both physically and emotionally toward me and I do not want to speak to you in public, in private, via messenger, comment or email. So don’t even try.

If I’m really wrong about your character, despite repeated evidence to the contrary: prove it. Respect my boundaries. Leave me alone. Stop driving by my house. Stop creeping around my social media. Put your actions where your words are and I’ll do the same.