Integrity

A few years ago I wrote about why I didn’t report the rape and sexual abuse that defined my young adulthood until much later. A big part of it was because my rapist’s father was a high ranking military official at a local base and I was terrified that he might use his political connections to make my life hell.

I compared myself to Emily Doe and Brock Turner in reference to Mr. Turner’s (Brock’s father) involvement with the case and the infamous letter he wrote to the judge on his son’s behalf. I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if my rapist’s father had any involvement in our particular case, but I hoped that he possessed more integrity than Mr. Turner.

This year in the midst of digging around in other military records I pulled up the public information on my rapist’s father as well to satisfy my own curiosity. A big part of the entire fiasco of entering a relationship with my rapist after the fact was his consistent dishonesty. As I’ve spent time fact checking various stories he shared with me during the publication process of my memoir, I’ve found that 90% of everything my rapist ever told me was complete bullshit. Which isn’t entirely surprising considering the level of abuse I endured at his hands during our short lived relationship. His lies were a simple, yet effective way to control me. He held me emotionally hostage for many years even after our relationship ended. Both with fear that he would harm himself in retaliation for me speaking out about the abuse or that he would “teach me a lesson” and come after me.

Now all I really have to judge his father’s integrity are military service records, awards, achievements etc. versus the word of his son who has proven himself to be a pathological liar. I never interacted with his father enough to really make a solid assessment of his character. Up until recently I based most of my presumptions on what his son told me.

Bah HA HA HA HA! Thank God for the military recording every time you breathe, because what his son told me conflicts with everything he has ever done in his public military career. Of course I can’t speak for his home life, but given the fact that he never really pursued the more political ranks, never spoke of his various (damn impressive) achievements, and pretty much keeps to himself like every other Average Joe, I’m going to say that aside from the same love and loyalty to his children he has boat loads more integrity than Mr. Turner ever will.

Would he help his son out of various legal debacles? Sure. He’s a loving father. He would certainly offer any legal resources he has to give his son the best chance to survive the circus of the legal system.

Would he manipulate the system, play politics, bribe, blackmail, etc etc etc as his son lead me to believe? No. I sincerely don’t believe he would now or really ever has. I think in instances where his son needed “help from his dad” it was merely a convenient cover story for his son to go find less than legal means (or another woman) to bail his own ass out.

Coming to that conclusion makes me a little sad that I didn’t think to research more before publishing my memoir. Not that Dad really plays a large part in it all, but the way I wrote him was written through the false pretenses his son filled my head with. Thankfully I took the time to change all the major identifying details so only a handful of people know who he really is, but… I still feel foolish anyway. Sorry, Dad! My bad. 🤷🏻‍♀️