I hate the part of PTSD that hijacks your emotions and creates racing thoughts and turmoil for no visible or tangible current reason decades after the traumatic event.

My current life is still going great. Nothing has changed about the peace and stability I enjoy on a regular basis outside of this one day overloaded with emotional residue. It gets me every year, and has really started to piss me off for the past two or so. I can *feel* the emotional residue surrounding a traumatic event but I can’t freakin *remember* what the hell the event itself was! If I can’t remember what the circumstances creating the trauma were in the first place, I can’t address the trapped emotions and it’s a vicious annual cycle with no foreseeable end.

There are a few events that come to mind, but none of them really seem to release the trapped emotional energy when I discuss them with my therapist or even when I use EMDR to reconnect my synapses. Whatever it is, is buried very very deep and only bubbles up in racing thoughts and odd emotional flux. I can *feel* it I just need to unlock it from my subconscious and bring it forward to my consciousness to release it.

It sounds simple, but unfortunately the mind is an intricate mess even in the best of circumstances. This day/wave of frustration with myself will pass and things will return to blissful routine soon enough. At least until next year… :/

2 thoughts on “Residue

  1. IDK if this would work, but you have a pretty good handle on when these things are coming up date-wise. Can you get the wagons circled early, kinda brace yourself, so it all but bounces off? Then it might get mad at “being ignored” and actually come forward…

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  2. It actually sneaks up on me and then I go back through my archives to make the connections from years past. I was actually doing really well over Valentine’s Day which is when I historically hit a snag but then the 18th snuck up and tackled me out of nowhere. I made an appointment with my therapist. Hopefully with her expertise I can get it to safely come to the surface instead of bouncing around the fringe of my awareness. Tonight I’m completely fine. The emotional storm has passed for now and I’m back to my contented self. It’s going to be a doozy whatever it is, that’s for sure. :/


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