I’ve noticed something in the midst of all of this Gillette ad campaign controversy. Yes, I know that happened an entire week ago and most of the Internet has moved on to other things. I think the ad and the backlash speaks for itself, but watching this mess unfold took me a while to notice the pattern I’m addressing here.

Entertain my observation for a moment.

I’ve been in the social media trenches, not really voicing my opinion outside what I chose to post here and share on my other outlets. But I have been paying attention and what I’ve noticed is the most vocal, albeit small faction of men upset by this ad are voicing their often vulgar opinions online while their wives and/or female partners are working, breadwinning in fact, to support them.

To those men:

I’m curious just how evil this so called “feminist agenda” can be, allowing women to provide for your families while you (male partners) are left at home either with the kids, or a disability, or just not being motivated enough to keep a decent job, or maybe even actively looking for a decent job but unable to find one. Hmm?

Really, the reasons these men are left at home to muppet flail on the internet are vast, and none of them are necessarily bad.

Choosing to be a stay at home father is admirable if it’s something you and your partner agree is best for your family. Choosing to be a stay at home father that sits online and rants about the evils of feminism while your wife pays the bills? Not so much.

Disabilities preventing you from working? They’re out of your control. You can’t help it. I make the general assumption that people unable to work due to various disabilities WOULD if they were given the opportunity. But if you have a woman taking care of you as someone who is disabled and not contributing to the family financially (not to say you can’t contribute to a family in any number of other valuable ways) why are you yelling and raving online all day about the “evil feminist agenda”?

Lack of education and/or skills is a complicated one. In some circumstances it’s a choice not to pursue higher education. In some circumstances it’s not, so you can’t really say some one without an education has necessarily made the choice to be lazy. Still… whatever the reason your wife and/or female partner makes more than you allowing, you to be at home ranting and raving about feminism… she would never have been able to accomplish such a lofty goal as providing for herself and you, her ignorant ass partner/husband without the women who stood up for feminism before her.

Do you know where you would be if it weren’t for feminism and you weren’t able to provide for your family due to health, or choice, or education and or skills? Why you’d be stuck in a workhouse, or prison. Thanks to feminism, your wife/female partner is able to earn a decent wage (still less than a man with comparable skills but decent none the less) and you are able to live in relative comfort while ranting away about the downfall of society via decent human morals and rights for all.

Curious, isn’t it? This small number of men whining about needing “more real men” or needing more “traditional masculinity” as they sit in front of their devices taking full advantage of the institution which they supposedly abhor.

I think they’ve forgotten what so called “traditional masculinity” actually is. You know, back in the 40’s and 50’s when the men went to work and the women stayed at home raising the children. The men all had cooperate 9-5 jobs or hard laboring factory jobs to accomplish the goal of taking care of their families. They worked long hours and only spent Sundays (if they were lucky) with their wife and children.

They weren’t artists, or hobby enthusiast, and a very few of the working class were self employed. They were taught basically from birth to accept their fate of being salves to “The Man” and to enjoy the opportunities that were afforded to them ie a life of hard labor for the working class, and a life inside an office and board room for the upper class. And if it hadn’t been for women demanding equal rights in the workforce and voting booths, that would still be your fate as a working class man in America today.

Boys were taught to be tough, and suppress their softer emotional sides as coping mechanisms for an unfulfilling life in the workforce. They were taught that women were accessories to complete their picture perfect American families, but nothing more. Marriages were for convenience, and social status. Relationships were rarely healthy and men were rarely happy. That’s what “traditional masculinity” looks like. Normalized emotional abuse. Hence why it earned the label of toxic masculinity because in any other aspect of modern society the same behaviors ARE toxic.

SO while you don’t have to agree with every facet or aspect under the umbrella of the feminism label, and you’re certainly allowed to vocalize your opinions. I’d suggest if you are a man who is and has benefited from your wife/female partner being able to financially support you, that you take some time to reflect before you attack the very reason your life is so comfortable.