When Nightmares Become Reality

Through out my healing process there has been one pervasive recurring nightmare. It’s always been the same, and has been the driving force behind the majority of my reckless, impulsive behaviors. Whether it was merely a result of my disordered, unhealthy thinking, or a subconscious manifestation of a truth I didn’t want to accept remains to be seen.

Late April/early May of 2017 my nightmare became a reality. My memories are too distorted to definitively recall many of the events that transpired, other than the fact that someone broke into my home and my daughter witnessed said intruder whom she later identified. We went to the police, but I stopped short of having her go on the record with her identification. She was traumatized merely witnessing the intruder and at four years old I felt more comfortable letting our intruder “get away” with his crimes than subjecting my daughter to the legal system and a police interrogation. She spoke to her therapist. I know her claims are valid, whether justice in this life is served or not.

A few weeks ago, another party involved (albeit mostly by proxy) in the whole break in fiasco contacted me. I immediately called the police, who asked that contact cease on my behalf. I was content with ignoring this person, but as time progressed and things filtered through the grapevine of mutual friends and acquaintances I discovered that apparently they wanted to make amends. Understanding how important closure and such actually is for the healing process, I decided to go out on a limb and address the matter here.

It’s been ten years. Over the course of those ten years he’s asked you a million times not to contact me. Up until now I’ve entertained you for his sake hoping there was something I could do or say to put your mind at ease. It wasn’t until last year that I realized that entraining you wasn’t helping at all. In fact, quite the opposite. Knowing him like I do, understanding that he was emotionally stunted from trauma in his childhood, I finally realized all of this irrational, dangerous behavior has been a cry for help. His hatred of me is valid, I’m certain, but by acting on his hatred he was trying to get my attention. I finally got the message. He can actually thank the detective’s insight for that by the way.

I just wanted to say that you have my forgiveness, whether you sincerely wanted it or not. I genuinely hope you’re sincere in seeking to make amends, and I wish you both the best. However, this is not an invitation to contact me, or drive by my home, or comment on/follow my public social media. I’m 100% serious on my desire to cease communication. If you contact me again I will press charges, so please: don’t. You worked hard to earn your license, let’s not throw it away with harassment and stalking charges. That also means no more driving by my home with your girlfriends, mmmmkay?