Retreat!

A few days ago I shared how my Little has been struggling with behavioral issues at school.

During the phone conference with her teacher I brought up the fact that she doesn’t go by her formal name unless she’s in trouble. I noted her preferred nickname on her new student form, but with so many kids to keep track of I’m not surprised it got missed. Her teacher was happy to accommodate Little once she was aware of her preference, and the very next day Little had her preferred name on her cubby, desk, and homework assignments.

Like a light switch Little’s behavior improved dramatically. She came home happy and smiling, instead of downtrodden and angry. She finished her homework and her chores without complaint, and woke up excited to get on the bus the next morning. She wasn’t being defiant for the sake of being defiant or some underlaying medical issue. She felt dismissed, ignored and disrespected.

It doesn’t excuse her reaction and poor choices, but it certainly does explain them! If you’re not going to listen and validate my kid’s reasonable request to call her by her preferred name… why the hell should she listen and be respectful to you? Lol. I mean I didn’t say that to her teacher, because I’m trying to be diplomatic about all of this, but I mean… duh. School is an entirely new experience for Little. She’s only emulating the way she feels and is treated because she’s still learning the ropes of what needs to be done.

She’s merely been applying the skills I’ve taught her when she runs away from her recess teacher. Her recess teacher grabbed her arm without her permission. She yelled: “No!” And ran away which is what I want her to do if someone violates her body safety even if unintentionally. There isn’t a lack of behavior causing her to bump heads with the staff. There is a lack of communication either because she’s still small and unable to convey her feelings accurately or because the staff simply isn’t listening to her as she’s only six and most six year olds don’t challenge authority even for valid reasons.

🤦🏻‍♀️

I still believe there are some underlaying medical issues contributing to her attention span, nightmare/terrors and sensory seeking type behaviors, which I want to pursue even if simply to rule them out, but taking the defiant behaviors out of the equation makes things much less scary and intimidating. Guess I can stow the artillery for another battle now…