I have been a hot mess this month, and had to keep it mostly a secret until now. My Little started school on the second, which also happened to be the weekend of the largest local gaming conventions of the year. Now I don’t really know if my ex was here or not, but after the break in at our apartment last year, even the possibility that he could be in the area during Little’s first week of school absolutely terrified me.
Little is my oldest child, so it was stressful sending her off to school enough on its own but adding that tiny little bit of extra stress just pushed me right over the edge. I had to increase my meds, I had to take a week off work, I went back and forth between raging and crying multiple times during the day. It was a whole thing as the clock marched ever forward toward the inevitable first day of school.
Then, we got to meet the teacher night and as I was filling out her new student profile noting the trauma she’s experienced and how it affects her behaviors, I took a huge leap of faith. I didn’t sugar coat it, I didn’t avoid it, I just came right out with it. Little witnessed an intruder in our apartment, she witnessed my mom getting arrested, she’s wary of police officers and has a tendency to act out when scared or insecure. She’s spoken to a therapist and we’re doing our best to help her heal and move forward at home. As I put it to my Hubs (who was very anti-talking about Little’s trauma): “She’s going to talk about it eventually, even if she doesn’t tell the staff and they just over here conversations between her and her friends. Might as well go in balls deep with our skeletons on parade!”
The staff was absolutely wonderful about it. Her teacher was appreciative of our honesty at the beginning of the school year instead of after Little began presenting troublesome behaviors, plus they took every precaution possible to keep her safe, even without an official restraining order against my ex. This school system does NOT mess around when it comes to the safety of their students, and I am forever thankful.
A MASSIVE WAVE OF RELEIF WASHED OVER ME when the school office called to speak with me about it. I started happy, ugly crying and literally dancing around the living room like a crazy person. I mean I am a crazy person, but I really let myself go there for a hot second.
My baby is safe. Or as safe as she can be trekking out into the world on her own. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻😭😭😭