Super Blue

Something weird is going on around here. I had zero motivation to go to work Monday morning. I went anyway with an incredible feeling of anxiety and dread. The entire day felt that way, and even some of my coworkers felt it too. Hubs felt it, and Little was not her happy self either. There were several severe power surges in the area, and everything felt very still this morning.

While I don’t believe in astrology as anything more than charts; I can physically feel the differences in the moon cycles. After my day of funk I looked it up and apparently this week is a Super Blue Blood Moon with a partial eclipse. Something that hasn’t happened in a really long time. Let me tell you… PTSD and the hyperawareness that comes with it is beneficial for many things. Being a slave to the celestial bodies is not one of those things.

My anxiety has gone wacky, I passed out this morning upon getting up and getting ready for work which sent me to the ER, and absolutely everyone is on edge and hostile. It’s a hypersensitive person’s nightmare right now. All of the tests they ran at the hospital came back normal. It’s not my blood sugar, it’s not my heart or asthma, it’s not anemia, dehydration, pregnancy, stress or anything else that normally contributes to my neurological issues of late.

I’m hoping that it was just a particularly bad and sneaky migraine. I didn’t feel any sort of PAIN in my head during the episode but I did feel sort of a pressure around my temples. They checked me for signs of a stroke and didn’t find anything there, so really the only option left is a rogue migraine. That, or my previous doctor who also issued me horrible weight loss advice, misread my MRI and I actually DO have lesions indicative of MS which have been ignored for six years… I made a follow up appointment with my GP for next week to see what the actual fuck is going on.

I’m tired of feeling this way. SOMETHING is causing my symptoms and they are getting progressively worse with each episode. Even if it’s not something that can be cured like MS, I would at least like to know what it is so I can prepare for it. Mentally, and financially if nothing else.