Small Victories

This year I’ve been exceptionally well as far as mental status goes anyway. For the past 10+ years I’ve really struggled with a deep depression toward the end of October through the month of November. This year, despite all of the insanity unfolding in the outside world I’ve managed to maintain my stability. *victory arms* There have been days where I’m just tired, but most of that comes from the physical aspects of working full-time out side the home and trying to parent two rambunctious toddlers and a Kindergartener. Emotionally, I’ve maintained.

There have been a few days where things or conversations with people at work have triggered me, but the effects don’t linger past several hours maybe a day at the most. I’ve even passed a couple of trauma anniversaries without much of a hitch. Which is honestly damn surprising even to me. Lol. It’s almost foreign to be navigating so smoothly through so many things which previously would have thrown me off kilter into an emotional frenzy. I don’t even really know what changed to get me here either. It was like an egg timer. OVERWHELM, OVERWHELM, OVERWHELM… *ding* and now I’m done, we’re all good here. It seriously has not phased me at all. I’m simply busy preparing for the holidays, and the Twins’ birthday.

It feels really nice, albeit foreign, but really nice. I’m starting to get used to the idea that I’m allowed to be happy without this constant cloud of misery hanging around me. I can’t ever really remember feeling this way before for more than a week or two. Which I mean sounds horribly pessimistic, but it’s true. I guess this is what healing feels like when you reach the home stretch of the journey? 

2 Comments

  1. As time goes on, hopefully you’ll get more like me- feel the depression coming on, assess that there is no reason for it, give it nothing to wrap around, and move on past.

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