PTSD Time

One of the more annoying symptoms of my PTSD is the skewed sense of time that I have. Like not current Real Time, but of my past experiences. This is one of the main reasons why I started writing everything down to keep track of everything and have a readily available time line of my life when I need it.

Y’know, like when my boss is asking me about my work experience and she’s like: “how much experience do you have?” and I immediately defaulted to nine years because I’ve been dealing with my trauma for nine years even though I only have about eight years of  work experience total, including the three years I didn’t work in food. I realized my mistake, but by then it was too late for me to say “oops. No, my bad. That’s wrong.” and correct myself because she had moved on to her other duties and didn’t have time to continue the conversation.

So now I’m in line for a promotion and pay rate increase based on the wrong amount of years for experience because my PTSD Brain was too frazzled to keep an accurate track of time. I’ll get the promotion regardless because I do have some experience. I just feel bad that I messed up on the actual number. I didn’t do it on purpose to inflate my ego or try to weasel my way into a position that I didn’t deserve, but trying to prove that without going into the finer details of my diagnosis is going to be impossible.

I wanted to sit down and actually explain that I have this disorder before I took the position, but we’re so busy and short staffed that we haven’t had time to have an official conversation about anything. I’m confident that I can perform the duties of the job. Food is all the same. Serve the guests, count the money, control portioning and product quality. It definitely doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to do it well, but I still hate that I misrepresented myself, even if accidentally.

Now I’m stuck in this weird twilight zone of how long is too long to wait to correct my mistake, or should I just roll with it and hope no one ever sits down and actually does the math? ARGH I HATE THIS DISORDER. I hate it, hate it, hate it! Especially when it’s these little trivial symptoms that attack me out of nowhere and fuck up all the things. -_-