Little and I finally returned to the gym! She participated in her first class, and I spent the majority of the time catching up with everyone. I got a few reps in here and there, but I’m still trying to adjust to adding my hardcore workout routine on top of my physically demanding job lol. I feel like a lazy lump by the time I arrive at the gym in the evenings. It’s great to stretch out different muscle groups though, and I can use all the help I can get shedding these remaining forty pounds.

Yep! That’s right! Down 10lbs in two weeks. I hope I can keep this trend up, because it’s about time this med weight came off. lol. This time it seems to be staying off too, which is AWESOME. I don’t really know what’s different about now that wasn’t different a few months ago when I was gaining weight, other than I started really keeping track of my macros again.

I’ve also began to adjust to my job. I kind of like it now that I’m getting the hang of the business and the processes I need to follow. There are still very difficult days, especially when a sound or smell triggers me. I walked by the mop sink and caught a whiff of degreaser. It’s a very distinct smell that always followed me home from work during my Taco Bell days, especially when I was a closing manager in charge of deep cleaning. Catching that smell, made me think of coming home after a long, hard shift and crawling into bed, followed by a few flashes of random memories. I actually started to tear up, but the moment passed before I burst into tears. Which is good.

I haven’t told my coworkers about my PTSD yet. It isn’t really relevant to my job as long as I can perform to standard and not start bawling at any point. If someone asked I wouldn’t deny it, but I’m not going to offer up the entire saga of why the smell of degreaser makes me cry unless it becomes an issue lol. I figured I’d adjust after another week, and I’m glad I stuck it out. I’m really beginning to enjoy my job. Restaurants aren’t so bad when you’re focused on one area like prep, instead of trying to manage EVERYTHING, all the time, forever.

It feels good to be settling into some sort of immediate routine with all of the turmoil and chaos going on right now. My island of peace. Home.