So my job… I’m in charge of produce prep for a restaurant. Lettuce, tomatoes, etc etc etc. I’ve been working just about a week now and every day from the moment I come in until the moment I clock out it’s been all about lettuce. The restaurant gets daily produce deliveries, and everything is prepared fresh which makes my job very tedious. It’s literally hours of washing and preparing lettuce.
On the one hand, I kind of like it. I have one task instead of the million I’m used to performing at restaurant jobs. That’s kind of nice. I have my own little station in the kitchen, and I don’t have to interact with customers which is also a bonus. I told Hubs if I had to go back to food, I wanted to work the early prep shift and since Hubs’ schedule got all messed up and I wasn’t able to take the other jobs on second shift: restaurant world, I have returned!!
The job itself is easy, I enjoy my coworkers, and the pay is awesome for food service. I’m just not sure if I can do it anymore. My PTSD brain kicks in and I have flashbacks of my horrible restaurant experiences. Mostly it’s been the robbery I survived, especially since I spend a good portion of my day in the walk in cooler. There are other memories that I struggle with too, but the only real flash backs have been of the robbery.
I don’t mind the actual work part of things. It will be nice to have extra income, I’m having trouble adjusting. I think I burnt myself out on the drama of foodservice years ago. Even after a nearly decade break I can’t get motivated to really invest myself into the job like I could in the past. It’s not even fast food but the dynamics are all the same in a restaurant. The smells, and the sounds, and the environment as a whole. I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.
Which sucks, because there are a lot of opportunities there. It’s the least stressful food environment I’ve ever encountered, and the crew is a really good crew. My brain just says: NOPE. I came home from work all week this week and just bawled into whatever dinner I ended up preparing for the kids. I didn’t even have any bad days I was just completely overwhelmed and didn’t know what else to do. I feel like my lettuce, in the spinner every day when I go home and that’s not good for anyone.
Hubs and I talked about it, and I have his blessing to leave when ever I feel necessary. I want to see where this goes. I want to conquer this facet of my recovery the same way I conquered most other things. I’m not giving up this early in the game. I’m far too stubborn for that. 😛