Let it Burn 

We cleaned out our storage unit. FINALLY. Almost four months after we moved into the house lol. In that process I started going through and getting rid of a lot of junk I’ve accumulated over the years. It’s all things that had some sort of significance to me in the past, but most of it has out lived it’s welcome. It’s been stashed in various garages or closets since I left my parents house, but now it’s time for the final purge.

Once we got back to the house with our last load of stuff Hubs and I started on some outside chores. We took out a dead lilac bush in our front yard, and trimmed some dead wood out of our sick maple tree leaving a giant pile of brush in our back yard. It’s been so wet and extra hot weather wise that we haven’t had a chance to burn it. It’s been sitting next to our garage drawing all sorts of bugs and what have you close to the house. We finally got an opportunity to burn it, and burn it did!! The fire was so hot it actually destroyed the bricks around our fire pit lol.

I’m glad I had a giant pile of embers at the end of the night as I started going through random storage boxes. Things that I thought I had thrown away or burned ages ago turned up at the bottom of a few of them. I found an entire book full of love letters to an ex, as well as our list of baby names.

It’s weird looking back at it, knowing that he never saw them. They were stuffed safely in my paper journal waiting for the right time. It’s also weird looking back and seeing how terribly dysfunctional my thoughts and feelings were toward the entire relationship. Like I mean since I’ve been in recovery and have gone through all of my therapy, I know that the relationship was toxic and dysfunctional, but being able to look back at my letters arguing with him about the way he treated me; then professing my love for him in the same breath was like: “WHAT PLANET WERE YOU ON WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER SELF?!” So it was healing in a way. Plus instead of a sad mourning burn like I’ve done in the past, this one was an angry burn.

I was sitting there with Hubs in the garage going through the notebook and as soon as I found the first letter to my ex I shouted: “EW!!! There’s letters to him in here! Man, I wish I had found this when the fire was roaring.”

Hubs replied: “There’s embers out there. It’ll burn.”

So we both hopped up and ran out to the fire pit notebook in hand. I tossed it in, expecting a pile of old paper to ignite almost immediately. It smoldered for a while and I feared that a repeat of my November Attempt to burn old photos was about to happen. lol. Hubs found a tote lid and fanned the embers until I finally watched those bits of my past go up in a satisfying FWOOMP of flames while I uttered a few expletives and curses.

I found a few other little trinkets and things to go along with the notebook, but Hubs wouldn’t let me burn those lol. Apparently they’re collectibles and worth a decent amount of money. He actually collected the rest of the set when he was younger, but missed out on those pieces for some reason. A rather odd twist of fate, and slightly poetic if you think about it.

Lost in all of my junk carted around over the years were the missing pieces to Hubs’ collection. ❤