We Grieve Again

That moment when your editor comes to you and says: “Hey, we need to tone this down a bit. It’s too intense.” Then you think to yourself: “Gee, compared to some of the things I’ve survived and experienced that IS toned down so…”

Yep… that’s right. I’ve hired an editor and she is already having a hay day with my book. lol. Most of it is due to my laziness and practicing improper grammar all the time here. It carries over to my “formal” writing which gives her a lot to work with. Then there’s this other issue where I’m writing things that would stir an emotional response from myself, which are apparently too intense for mainstream audiences. I knew when I set out to publish my secrety secret book that I would run into issues with some of the content. It’s going to be triggering for some people, and I tried my best to prepare for it separating the really ugly stuff from the less intense parts of the story which will make it easy for the audience to skip over if they feel so inclined.

We haven’t even gotten to those

As “intense” as my life has been (at least according to editors in the publication world) It’s made me who I am. Yeah, it’s been damn hard sometimes, but it also made me into the spitfire, takes no shit, mama that I am today. I love who I am today, and looking back upon the life that made me with “grief” seems wrong or counter productive in a way. I don’t think my problem comes from a source of pride. I’m not ashamed to do any grieving when it’s necessary, I just can’t fathom how I’m supposed to do it. It feels almost like I would be feeling sorry for myself, by looking back into the past that way…

I don’t even know… I’m in the middle of yet another medication switch. I found a new doctor here in Indiana and she couldn’t figure out why the hell my doctor in Ohio had me on a stimulant as a PTSD patient, so she started me on something else. It’s a lot like my first med, but this one is supposed to curb cravings and not contribute to weight gain. I guess we’ll see. My emotions are a little bit all over the place at the moment. lol.