The Birthiversary Story

Confession time: Hubs and I got married on my ex’s birthday. I know, I know. 

Let me take you back to March 11th, 2011 a few weeks after Hubs started his new job and a few weeks before we found our own place. He was staying with his dad, and I was staying with my parents much like our current arrangement. We’d been engaged since January and really just started all of our wedding planning preparations. 

We knew we wanted to have one of our mutual friends perform the ceremony, but since he wasn’t officially ordained (it was mostly an office joke after he filled out an online form to become a minister of some random internet thing, so we continued the joke by asking him to perform the ceremony lol) we’d need to get legally married at the court house prior to our formal ceremony. The plan was to do that a few days before and just celebrate our anniversary on the date of the formal ceremony which was October 8th. 

How did our anniversary end up in March then? Well I was heading home from dropping something off to my sister who attended school in Fairfield. I needed some Advil and stopped in quickly to pick some up at the Walmart in West Chester, which was on my way home. During my ten minutes in and out of the store, as I was walking past the customer service desk on my way to check out a familiar, obnoxious voice yelled out accross the check outs: “HIIIIIIIIIIIIII KELLI.” 

I completely ignored him, didn’t even acknowledge his yelling, kept my head held high and went on my way. Of course as soon as I got to the car I immediately called my Hubs and said: “Love, I don’t want to get married in October. I want to get married on the 23rd.” 

He was obviously a little confused and concerned with me making such confusing and random phone calls. “What? The 23rd like in two weeks the 23rd? Why?”

“Because I love you, we have to do it before the ceremony anyway, it’s right after I move back so we don’t forget, and I hate my ex, he yelled at me trying to get my attention in Walmart just now and getting married on his birthday is the biggest passive aggressive “fuck you” I can think of.” 

Hubs agreed, and we did it. We got married on my ex’s birthday because someone that knew my name and sounded exactly like my ex (even though I didn’t turn around to verify it, attempting to ignore the obnoxious catcall-esc chortle) yelled at me one night at Walmart. 

It was a really stupid idea, for even more stupid reasons, but there’s more than an impulsive whim behind it all. It’s true, the county courthouse only issues marriage licenses two days a week, and in 2011 the week I moved back, both of those days would have had the same affect. The 23rd being my ex’s actual birthday, and the 24th being his due date. It wouldn’t have mattered which day we picked, both of them are oddly important to my ex and would have illicited the same response from him. He hates it. Lol. He absolutely can not stand the fact I married another guy on his birthday, which was my initial goal fueled by the irrational anger and spite toward my Walmart Heckler. If I’d never made it into therapy, and still lived with those destructive feelings being my primary mode of operation, I probably wouldn’t feel foolish. Having grown past that immature way of life, I do. It’s such a weird mishmash of feels when this date rolls around.  

Making it even more ironic/amusing/cringe worthy is the fact that my ex was the very person to give me the idea in the first place. We had planned to get married in August, on his first wife’s birthday. He explained it like this: “I want happy memories of that day instead of all the sad ones. I want to forget her, I don’t want to miss her. If we get married then, I’ll have happy memories with you. It will be all about us and starting our life together.” Which made perfect sense to me being super sentimental overtly emotional. It was also one of the more romantic conversations we’d ever had where he was actually serious and not just bullshitting or making a joke of the entire thing. 

He can deny it to his grave, but there was a time, however brief, where our relationship was more than what he says it was. It certainly wasn’t the entire time we spent together, that much is/was obvious, but for a while he was content and excited about our future. This entire “get married on her birthday” conversation happened during that time.

So, more than just a passive aggressive stab at my ex, that was also my goal. To replace all the sad memories of him, with all the happy memories of Hubs. If only I had been able to recognize the fact that what my ex was suggesting was an unhealthy, dissociative, coping process I never would have done it. I do, thankfully, recognize it now. But it’s a little too late to go back and change it, so I just have to deal with it. Lol. I’m the girl who married my husband on my ex boyfriend’s birthday. Call me what you will. 

THE BEST PART: Hubs has always been supremely supportive. He always knew, and chose to get married today anyway. He knows that when I get distanced and quiet at times it’s because of my own stupidity and haphazard mistakes not because I want my ex back. He just does his best to figuratively wipe the tears, and keep me occupied and in the present where I CAN actually focus on my new happy memories. Ugh… I don’t deserve him, and that makes me weepy for an entirely different reason.

Happy Anniversary, Love. 😘