Today marks one year since one of the most terrifying experiences I’ve ever faced in my life. Waking up to find my 5 week old baby boy covered in bloody vomit, and enduring his emergency surgery the next day.
My anxiety has been on 11 the past two days and I couldn’t really figure out why until the picture I took in the hospital showed up on my social media. It occurred to me that I’ve never really processed that event. I mean I was aware of it, but instead of really allowing myself to feel the emotions I repressed them to function through the event.
It’s a PTSD reflex unfortunately, the “normal” way my brain functions under times of high stress. REPRESS ALL THE THINGS SO YOU EXPERIENCE RANDOM PANIC ATTACKS LATER WITH NO IMMEDIATE CAUSE. Exactly like that. That’s what my brain says. I’m certain of it. Lol.
Anyway… as I’m attempting to process these rogue emotions and get my panic under control today I thought I’d share what I wrote last year.
Well, in a rather interesting turn of events today I’m at an entirely DIFFERENT children’s hospital with B ONE waiting for minor surgery to correct Pyloric Stenosis. Yes… Here I was worried about little B2 potentially going under the knife, and around flies B1 (who hasn’t had any medical issues what so ever up until this point) completely out of left field.
Seriously… No joke. It all started yesterday morning about fifteen minutes after my post published about B2’s ENT appointment. I walk in to check on B1 who had been fussing to find him covered in mucusy brown vomit, but otherwise acting normal. So I scoop him up out of his bassinet and rush out to wake Hubs. I’ve never seen brown vomit from an infant before, so we knew it wasn’t normal or okay but we weren’t entirely sure it was immediate ER worthy.
We called the pediatrician on call which happened to be our regular doctor and explained the situation. She said since he was acting otherwise normal, to keep an eye on him and call back if he had any other issues, fever, or loss of appetite. So Hubs and I went ahead and took B2 to his appointment and left little B1 in the care of my mom who had come up to watch the other Littles. At some point during the hour we were gone with B2, B1 lost his lunch accompanied by more mucusy brown goop.
Literally as soon as we walked in the door with B2, I had to turn around and take B1 to the pediatrician’s office to get him checked out. Our doctor looked him over, tested some of the brown goop which we discovered was curdled milk and blood. So she went through all the possible scenarios, gave us instructions to go on a pedialite fast or take him to the children’s ER if he couldn’t keep anything down.
I returned home with B1, relayed the instructions to my mom and the darted back out the door to my own appointment not thinking too much of it. On my way home from my appointment, I get a call from my mom saying not only did B1 vomit again, but it was projectile clear across the room and still brown even after only receiving a small bit of pedialite.
So I called Hubs, he came home from work and away we went with B1 down to Children’s ER. We sat there for almost four hours going through various tests trying to get a diagnosis before they finally came up with the Pyloric Stenosis. Which is easily treatable, albeit with surgery.
Surgery, on my five week old son. Because, y’know, life hadn’t been busy enough right now. We’re still waiting to get him in for the ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis, and no one really knows why his vomit was bloody brown. I’m hoping it’s not another under laying issues like B2’s breathing.
Which, speaking of little B2’s breathing, also got a diagnosis of something really long that starts with an L and has something to do with two glands in his throat being just a hair too big, which blocks his windpipe when he gets upset or excited. It can also be treated with a minor surgery, or he could simply grow out of it.
If he doesn’t grow out of it he’ll be 2 years old when they preform the surgery which is the same age they performed my sinus surgery, the root cause of my PTSD. SO… Depending on how everything goes with B1, we’re going back to the ENT with B2 next month to discuss our options. I don’t want B2 to go through what I went through with surgery and trauma at such a young age, so my vote is to get him the surgery now before he starts retaining memories. The only saving grace keeping me sane right now.
The fact that both of my B’s will have no memory of any of this insanity as long as we can get it out of the way before 18 months. Beyond that we’ll have to address the mental affects… Hopefully it won’t get to that point.