This :$&@( Month

Good Lord, December has been brutal. 2016 put up one hell of a fight on its way out the door. That’s really all I can say to encompass everything that’s happened this month. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. More mentally and emotionally than physically at this point, but I’m looking forward to Hubs visiting this weekend and relaxing while doing nothing for a while. 

All of the Littles are on the mend. I was getting worried about B1 since he hadn’t been himself for several weeks, but he seemed to perk up yesterday and return to his rowdy self. My adjustment to the meds seems to be going pretty well. I’ve been struggling with my actual PTSD like a mo’fo this week, which is why I’ve been kind of quiet. It’s not the worst I’ve ever been, but it is the worst I’ve been in a long time. The meds are definitely helping right now because I’m not having flashbacks, and I’m not having nightmares so that’s a positive thing anyway. 

I mean, I historically have a really difficult time in December struggling with my symptoms, but this year is particularly rough. I’m not really sure why except that I don’t have Hubs here to keep my general anxiety low enough for my PTSD anxiety to ebb and flow as anniversary dates pass by. It’s exhausting. Even mustering up the energy to sit at my computer and write takes too much right now. I have just enough energy to tend to the Littles. Which is a whole lot of energy honestly, just not enough to effectively take care of much else lol.