Patchwork Top Ten

It’s that time of year again! 2016 is finally drawing to a close. We all made it, even if barely so. I wanted to do something new this year and highlight my most popular posts of 2016, but as I sat down and started going through my most popular posts I realized a better title would have been: Ten Ways Kelli Pissed Off the World in 2016. Lol. It seems my most inflammatory posts are my most popular so… not going down those roads again. At least not all ten of them. I do have a few things I want to highlight, and I’ll get around to them later.

In this post, I’m going to highlight the top ten songs that have persisted in my ever changing sound track for 2016. I am a Spotify fan girl, since the days before premium subscriptions were a thing, and it was invite only lol. Every week on Monday Spotify releases a new playlist based on my listening patterns, the majority of the artists and songs featured here I’d never heard of until they showed up on my list one Monday afternoon, and yet they all seem to be so incredibly fitting for everything that’s happened in my life this year.

Number 10 on our list:

This is fitting as I really broke free of participating in many of the manipulative games I’d been roped into over the years. I finally set my foot down a lot of places and stood firm in my boundaries.

Number 9:

That is my Littlest Little, B2’s favorite song at the moment. He gets very excited, starts clapping and squealing with delight any time it shuffles in. Must have been all the Skinny Puppy he heard in utero…. lol. At least it’s instumental, and won’t be an issue until he learns how to read.
Number 8:

Hmm… what to say about this one.  I feel like it’s illustrating the defining line between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is where you feel the need to manipulate the way things are to feel better about yourself. Confidence is knowing your place in life and not needing to embellish to feel secure in who you are. Y’know? That’s what I took from it anyway.

 

Number 7:

This one… kind of hits on a lot of personal issues I’ve been dealing with, that haven’t made it here to the blogosphere. That’s really all I can say about that one. VAGUE POSTING IS VAGUE.

Number 6:

This one is a good one. It really highlights my own internal struggle I’ve been dealing with at this phase of my recovery. Setting up my own boundaries feels like I’m becoming the very monsters who made me, by cutting people off and not allowing them to express their emotions. It feels incredibly selfish and somewhat abusive to treat people that way, even though my motivations are to protect myself from toxic behavior, something about it just feels wrong. It’s going against the grain of everything I’ve ever been told by my abusers and I feel slightly vulnerable honestly. I’m still searching for the balance between the two.

Number 5:

This one, I was mad at Hubs those few months when our marriage was in limbo. I needed him, and he was freaking out because I needed him throwing off the usual dynamics of our relationship. I’m the stronger one, and I always have been. When I faulter and struggle with myself he doesn’t know what to do, and everyone kind of suffers. We’re getting better at communicating what we need without explosive confrontations, and helping each other emotionally. This year was just a rough one.

 

Number 4:

Another one for Hubs! This one, which was played quite a bit more than that last one to bump up to number 4, is what I listen to when I really miss him and wish he was here with me. Physically as the song implies, but also mentally and emotionally. He’s my Hubs. I don’t say it as much as I probably should, but I don’t know what I would do without him. Living apart for these few months has been a real eye opener. I took him and his impact on my life for granted when we were together 24/7.

 

Number 3:

This is my Little’s favorite song. She requests it every time we get in the car and turn on the radio, which is probably why it’s made it all the way up to number 3 on my list lol. She calls it “The Hand One” and she dances and claps along. She could also listen to it on repeat for hours, which she has a few times actually lol.

 

Number 2:

Mmmm…. this song seems much more profound as this year draws to a close. I found it at the beginning of the year when I knew tensions were going to explode on a few lingering issues that have been skirting my recovery process. I don’t know how I knew, but I could sense it. Maybe it’s the hyper vigilance that comes with PTSD, maybe it’s part of being considered an Indigo, maybe it was just a random gut feeling, or maybe there really is a Devine being out there controlling the universe. I just knew 2016 was going to be wrought with difficulties and challenges. I tried my best to ignore/avoid them, but it seems like I was meant to railroad my way into them anyway. Nothing has turned out worse than I anticipated so that’s a blessing anyway. Lots of sirens in my life this year though lol. Lots and lots!

 

Number 1:

lol!! Of course this is my number one song of 2016. Ten Ways Kelli Pissed Off the World. *takes bow*