Dead Flowers Forever

Beneath these feet, underneath the thick concrete…
There used to be a sandy beach, but no one will ever know.
Flowers used to grow beneath the paving stones.

Valentine Days. Halloween Nights.
These are supposed to be the best days of our lives.
Now we’re stuck in the middle. Stuck in the middle.

Days like weeks, patiently, plot and scheme
To bring us to our knees with hearts pinned to our sleeves.
Flowers used to grow beneath the paving stones.

Valentine Days. Halloween Nights.
These are supposed to be the best days of our lives.
Now we’re stuck in the middle. Stuck in the middle.

Random song I found ages ago on some Facebook music app. Remember that? The days when Facebook had flair and other fun apps? Yep. lol. I don’t even think the artist ever released anything other than this. I don’t even remember who they are or what the song sounds like. I just saved the lyrics. How shockingly appropriate they still are.

Of course I found them before my diagnosis, so it makes a lot more sense why I had those feelings of being mired in my past traumas, wanting so desperately to forget yet only being able to if conditions are JUST RIGHT. When I’m not at my stress threshold, I don’t run into a trigger somewhere, it’s not the anniversary of an event etc. So many things have to work, I feel like I’m spinning plates at the circus half the time just to feel “normal”.

If I lose one plate, the entire circus tent comes crashing down around me. Acrobats go falling from the trapeze, animals escape, things are on fire…. lol. That’s basically how my mind works.