I Did a Thing

I did a thing last week. I can’t get too specific here just because I can’t lol but what happened was something that’s been holding me back in terms of my over all recovery. 

It was this little pocket of what if lingering in the back of my mind, something that I should have done years ago and for whatever reason chose not to. I don’t know if it was because of my repressed memories, a little bit of denial, or just plain old fear that kept getting in my way. I know anxiety was a big factor for sure as I walked into the place, blubbered my way through explaining the situation then immediately panicked and walked out.

I got all the way back to my car, before I fortified myself and my resolve and turned back around. That was weird. It was the first time my panic lead to flight instead of fight lol. Usually I come back fighting so I’m not sure what all that was about, but I went back and finished my task. I’m glad I did.

I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it after it first happened, but now I think I’ve settled on relieved. I won’t go as far as peaceful with the situation, but a whole bunch of relief. I think it’s because it took the responsibility off of myself. I put the situation in the hands of others for the first time and it made a world of difference.

Nothing else really changed about my life. The world didn’t collapse around me like I’d been afraid it would for so long, and for that I’m actually quite thankful. It was just the next step I needed to take to move forward.

Maybe someday when I can actually talk about it here I’ll come back and fill in the details lol. I hate to be all vague and mysterious but it is what it is. The details really aren’t important to anyone but me anyway.