A few days ago I discovered that I have a scar on the left side of my head. At first it was kind of difficult to process how the injury happened in the first place so I told Hubs about it, but we really didn’t get a chance to talk about it in depth until today. Of course with how hectic life has gotten over these past few months, it was also the first time we’ve had to ourselves without a Little in tow or other family members around too.
Most of my family still don’t know about my assaults. My sister knows because she reads here, but everyone else aside from Hubs is pretty much in the dark. I told my sister in law once but it was in the middle of an argument about something else so I don’t think she thought I was serious. She attempted to pull the: “come on, you wouldn’t have X opinion if you’d been raped and…” card so I was like: “well no, because I have been and I still feel this way. Try again.” I don’t even remember what the topic of the argument was, just that she dismissed me entirely and never mentioned it again.
Aside from that, no one else really has any idea of the magnitude of my past. Hubs has just now gotten around to accepting it and I spilled my soul to him almost three years ago. Lol. It’s just one of those things no one really likes to talk about. So I didn’t want to tell him over the phone or via text or anything like that and it had to wait until we were alone. Finally got around to it, and he took it much better than expected. He just listened to me bumbling around trying not to be blunt and raw like I usually am. He held my hand, gave me a big hug, and that was that. He let me talk about whatever came to mind with the reliving of the scar experience and then we went inside to bed like nothing profound or significant had happened.
But it was so significant to be able to share my experiences like that with my Hubs. He’s always been supportive in his own way, but allowing me to talk about stuff, whatever other stuff that comes up with certain parts of my past with out freaking out on me has been immeasurably healing. After we talked about that, I listened to him recant his own stories about his past. He told me all about the one girl he never mentioned aside from “oh yeah we dated” just because. I didn’t ask, or demand, and he opened right up about it.
I love hearing stories about lovers past. Anyone I’ve ever been with, I’ve sat and listened to stories for hours. Which is apparently a really unusual thing to do, I guess? Hubs was like shocked and appalled the first time I asked, expecting me to flip out on him or something lol. Idk, I’m from a family of story tellers. We don’t just do things, we record them for the next generation, and I love that. It’s always been a part of my life listening to stories from the past, it’s how we connected. Good food and old war stories so to speak. Or maybe I’m just a weirdo lol.
Either way, all of the unsettled emotional energy I found when discovering my scar is taken care of now. It’s still a little weird knowing its there, but in time that memory will fade with the rest.