I’ve been dwelling on this for almost a week now and I still have nothing to say about it. I have a whole lot of FEELINGS about it, I just can’t think of how to put them in words. Not just words poetic enough to share here, but words at all.
I’m talking about the attack at Pulse night club in Orlando, Florida. It’s not even the usual political battles that have begun once again that really affect me, but the act itself. Those of you who’ve followed me for a bit know that I don’t outright support any legislation brought forth by the so called “equality” movement. I do believe every human being is equal and worthy to enjoy the same freedoms. That’s not why I don’t support the legislations. I don’t support them because of the way people who are genuinely struggling have been hijacked by the broken political system for furthering agendas. At any rate, that’s another discussion for another time when I’m not pecking around at the keyboard half broken.
It is important to mention as I feel an enormous amount of grief surrounding this particular attack. All pointless loss of life is tragic and worthy of grief, but this one in particular really just got to me. Grief is one of the emotions I haven’t quite figured out yet in terms of expression, so while I feel it, I don’t exactly know what to do about it. I do know, after spending many nights at Greg’s a local gay club with my friends, one of my favorite places to go downtown any time of night any night, the only place I’ve ever felt 100% safe in any company as a woman late at night, and genuinely accepted the moment I walk in the door no questions asked or sideways glances, it absolutely breaks my heart into a million pieces that anyone would feel the need to destroy lives in a place like that. Destroy lives AT ALL, but especially there during June no less.
Like, okay. You don’t have to agree with people’s lifestyle, religion, etc but attacking innocent people during an especially important time for them is on a different level of disrespectful and disgraceful. Maybe that’s why this event gets me so much more than others? The level of intent and for lack of a better world evil this attacker had to plan his insanity at a sacred place, during a special time.
I don’t know. Like I said at the beginning of the post. I have a whole lot of feelings, they just aren’t coming out very well at the moment. There are too many things going on that require emotional energy at the moment and I can’t figure out where to put them, so I can’t figure out how to express them and now it just comes across as a mess of incoherent thoughts on the page.