I’ve been having a difficult time lately and attributing it to the stress of the move. One thing has been bothering me and no matter how many people reassured me I was worried for no reason it was still there in the back of my mind eating away. 3am rolled around and it finally clicked. While I’m sure the move does have some affect on my current state the roots are… Wait, can any one guess?? Ding, ding, correct! Raging unaddressed traumatic memory. PTSD FTW!! 😩
Thankfully, I was able to talk to an old friend last night and figure it out in the middle of my incoherent nervous babbling. The really awful part about it is I can’t write about it here. I just can’t. So I don’t really know what to do with it. I think there’s a little bit of denial still associated with it, or maybe guilt. Something is not cooperating with my brain and allowing the moment to pass with out my sympathetic nervous system wreaking havoc all over everywhere.
In the middle of this move no less, as usual with the absolute WORST timing in the history of the universe. This is what happens when you try to repress emotions and run from problems folks. Everything is going great you’re doing great and then WHAM there’s the brick wall of a somatic memory. I should have known when I got a migraine last week that I was sneaking up on an unaddressed situation.
Ugh… I don’t have time for this. I don’t have any eff’in time!! I’m moving tomorrow!! I have 75% of the house left to pack. Wtf broken brain?! Knock it off!