Inspector Gadget

So we had our first round of home inspections the other day, and boy oh boy did it ruffle my feathers in all sorts of ways lol.

Most of what we found out of place occurred in the normal process of the inspection. All of the kitchen appliances were moved, some of the fixtures in the bathroom were wiggled loose, our pedestal sink was crooked, and some doors were left open. All of those things were annoying, but to be expected. That’s what they came to do after all, inspect the integrity of the house.

But then… There were quite a few things that we found which were just weird and off. B2’s crib mattress was removed, but they ignored B1 and Little’s beds. Our cabinet door in the master bath was pulled off the hinges, (not the case when we left the house), they moved our mattress to “check an outlet” in the bedroom, but neglected to move furniture in the living room for the same purpose. One of the vinyl floor planks was popped up at the seam, like it had been pried up and there was a knife mark left behind to prove it was pried and not simply popped up of its own accord, the washer and dryer had been moved even though we aren’t including those in the sale, plus the thing that really set me off: our settings on the TV were changed.

We were required to be out of the house for three hours this morning while they did the inspection. That’s a whole lot to ask of a family who operates on a second shift schedule with two infants and a toddler, but then I come home to my house in shambles and the settings on my TV messed up… I was not a happy camper. Like I said, some of the things I anticipated, the rest of them just made me feel exceptionally violated.

It’s one thing to open up my home to strangers in the process of sale for them to do their jobs. Showings, inspections, apraisals, etc all of those things are allowable. All that I ask is that you do your job, while respecting my personal belongings in the process. Why the ef couldn’t you put my appliances back where you found them if you had time to watch TV? And wtf were you doing to my baby’s crib that required you to remove the mattress on ONE crib, but not BOTH cribs? When you moved my mattress were you really checking an outlet or looking for a key to my safe? If you were checking an outlet, why was the bedroom outlet so important but the four others in the living room worthy of neglect? If you didn’t read the MLS to see that the flooring was vinyl, are you really going to destroy it to figure it out? Even though we have two boxes of it laying in plain sight in the kitchen?

Seriously… It made me sick to my stomach finding all of these things. There is a line between inspecting a house and rifling through a HOME. Especially my home, which is an extension of myself and the place where I feel the most safe. For someone forever stuck in hypervigilence, any small violation to my home is a really big deal. I pay attention to EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. The plight of past victimization…

Then… oh… then we actually received the report. Not only did it confirm everything we suspected and noticed upon our return, but there were PICTURES OF PEOPLE SITTING ON OUR COUCH INCLUDED IN THE REPORT. Pictures of people sitting on our couch while they were supposed to be inspecting the property. Not only that but we did some investigating on our own once we got the inspectors name. According to the internet his license expired last year. Which we kind of figured with the over all quality of the report.

It was a giant eff’ing joke. There was only one thing mentioned that we were legally obligated to fix according to the purchase agreement the rest of it was cosmetic bullshit, that we have to have “repaired” by a licensed contractor. We have to find a legitimate business person to waste their time replacing light bulbs because a dumbass inspector wrote it into the report. Seriously… I wish I could share this report, because it is SO OUTRAGEOUS, even our realtor couldn’t take it seriously and she’s been selling homes for almost 20 years. I’m honestly not even sure when we have a real contractor come in to look at this stuff on the report they will actually take the job. It’s that stupid, but we have to try to fulfill our end of the deal.

Because we’re adults who take legal matter like signing a contract for the sale of our home seriously….