They Call Me Bond, Maternal Bond

Okay, so four months is when most babies start requiring less of their primary care takers, which in my case is me. It’s a fairly well known fact that when you transition out of the newborn and into the infant phase some different psychological bonding happens with you and your children. A lot of the times this is facilitated through horrible nightmares about any number of fates befalling your Littles.

I think it was actually right at a week ago I had the nightmare about B2 being killed by crazy scissor wielding gangsters, while B1 was merely maimed. This week B1 was kidnapped while B2 was only lost for a few awful moments. It makes perfect sense and doesn’t have anything to do with my disorder or past at all, but OMG DREAMS ABOUT KIDNAPPED BABIES. 

It’s actually a really positive thing to have happening. It means I’ve successfully bonded with both of them, even subconsciously, which I was honestly a little worried about there for a minute having to split my time between both of them. I mean I always try to give each of the Littles one on one time during the day, but the facts just are that B1 is a more needy kid than B2. He needs to be coddled much more, and demands a lot more of my time. Little B2 kind of got the short end of the stick in regards to that, in addition to being a little behind developmentally due to his thyroid, it’s been hard to really bond with him.

Which of course plays into the maternal guilt and all of that, and starts a vicious cycle of mental shenanigans. Lol. We are bonding, just not as quickly. Although it took me quite a while to bond with Little too and she’s doing great as far as attachment is concerned. It just makes me feel a little inadiquate that it’s taken so long to get to know little B2.