Erased

Boy, I really hope our house sells in this first 90 days. Nothing happens to our plans if it doesn’t. We just start the process over again with a new lot, or a new place in line for our current lot. There’s something like 20 or 30 lots left in the development and we love the builder. We’re building with them regardless, it would just be more convenient to get things rolling now. Plus, painting over all of my eclectic colors and style is depressing.

I think if we’re stuck here after I finish all the various projects for too much longer I’ll wither away into emotional nothingness. I feel like by painting over things I’m erasing a part of myself. Which is stupid. It’s a house, houses change hands, and we aren’t going to be here. There’s no reason to be sentimental over the color of my kitchen, or decorations in the kids rooms which were coming down as the kids get older anyway. But, I am. I am totally sentimental about all of it. I don’t even want to look at my kitchen which used to be pale yellow, with vibrant yellow accents. Now reduced to boring off white and bright white. It feels so sterile and impersonal. Which is what most people want, especially when moving into a new home. They want a blank slate to make their own, not some crazy creative kid’s outrageous color palate. 

I understand why it’s necessary to go back to the basic blasé, but it’s still a little sad. I think I’m more attached to this house than my previous dwellings because it was absolutely everything I wanted when I first started looking for a home of my own. It was my dream home, aside from the town falling apart around it, the lack of a forth bedroom, and smallish eat in kitchen I was happy here. 

It’s also a little weird moving on to bigger and better things again. Most of my transitions have been from bad to worse here in recent years. Finding a happy place in my little lopsided home that we nearly completely refinished from the get go, the first home my Little actually remembers, and the home where our little family first came together, it’s going to be sad leaving it behind. 

Anyway… I’m off to go paint away some more memories and tend to the Littles.