Doing Well?

Aside from a few minor hiccups with my own surgery, and the first trip to the children’s hospital with B2 this entire postpartum fiasco of the past six weeks hasn’t been too bad for me in an emotional sense. I’ve handled everything fairly well. Which has made me pause to evaluate here for a moment.

Yes, only in the life of someone who’s recovered from unhealthy coping mechanisms do you have to pause when things are going well. Going over everything that’s happened, I was talking with Hubs and asked him if I should make an appointment with my therapist. I told him I didn’t really feel like I needed to, which makes her really good at her job or means I’m not coping the way I should and everything is going to surface later when I least expect it to. He just sort of shrugged in reply, which is what he always does when it comes to the therapy side of things.

So that’s kind of where I’m at. I know in the moments right after we arrived at the ER with B1 last week, and during his surgery I did drift away and start to dissociate but I think in recognizing it and pulling myself back into the present I managed to avoid any emotional energy getting trapped. I mean, I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.

Reading and researching anything and everything about pyloric stenosis available to us, Hubs and I discovered that the chances of B2 having it as well are pretty significant even though they aren’t identical twins. I have to talk to our pediatrician to see if there is any sort of screening we can do to check before/if he starts exhibiting symptoms. We might be going through the entire thing over again here in the days ahead. I suppose if I start having intrusive thoughts or flashbacks to B1 I’ll know it’s something I need to address with my therapist. 

I’m really hoping poor little B2 doesn’t have pyloric stenosis in addition to all of his other medical issues. He’s already going to end up having the surgery to fix his glands blocking his airway. He doesn’t need two surgeries no matter how minor or routine they are before he’s a year old. That, and I’m not entirely sure how he’ll do with going under and coming out of surgery with his thyroid. They kept B1 in recovery for an additional 45 minutes because his breathing didn’t want to stabilize right away, and he has a normal functioning thyroid. 

Ugh… You know what else? To look at his glands they did a small procedure with a scope down B2’s nose so I got to see the inside of his sinuses. They also used a scope to perform B1’s surgery and took pictures for us. I’ve seen the inside bits of both of my infants. These things aren’t supposed to happen! How am I okay with this? Lol.

I don’t even know…

I am pretty impressed that my body was able to keep up with my milk supply. That’s like the Holy Grail of breastfeeding right there: being able to maintain your supply in the midst of a crisis away from your babies. I’m still not sure how I managed that either, but here we are. 

My Littlest Littles are still breastfeeding and I’m not in the loony bin. Guess I’ll stop questioning it and go with it. Lol.