Swimming

Oy… B1’s surgery went well. We’re just waiting for his discharge paperwork so we can head home.  It has been such a whirl wind 48hrs my head is quite literally swimming with thoughts and emotions I haven’t processed yet. I just shut down and went into survival mode Thursday morning, and now that everything is said and done I’m just sort of starting to come out of it. 

Times like this are when I really can’t complain about the epic coping skills I’ve earned in life. Although it’s difficult to remain grounded in the moment when your go to coping flips from rage to dissociation. I felt myself zoning out quite a bit yesterday, and in doing so I pretty much tuned out every emotion which made me look and feel pretty distant and removed. 

I hadn’t really noticed until I hopped on the transport bed with B1 heading down to the OR and started to tear up. It hit me that those were my first tears during the entire event. They have been my only tears thus far and only a few of them managed to sneak out of my eyes. Which at least means I was able to retain my humanity and not sink into the depths of some emotional void. That’s good!!

Let me tell you I’ve had more than enough excitement for the past six weeks. I haven’t even technically healed myself from giving birth and already I’m carting kids all over creation with medical concerns. Yep… And I thought 2016 was going to be boring. Lol.

New goal 2016: Keep the children alive and thriving.