My mom has been in town “helping” me for the past two weeks. I say “helping” because while many of the physical tasks she accomplished, like fixing a few meals, entertaining the Little, folding laundry, keeping up with dishes were helpful they weren’t without a price. As usual, two days before a big event celebrating me, aka my baby shower, she decided to pull a crazy stunt messing up our bank account and financial arrangement we had.
Apparently, Hubs now makes more than my dad, which was irritating to my mother who has had to alter her reckless spending habits to accommodate for Dad’s new income. Now we had a joint account through my bank so money from my checking account could transfer directly to the joint account with out a waiting period. It’s possible to do an interbank transfer to Mom’s bank, but it takes 7-10 business days instead of being available instantly. That’s the only reason we set it up with a joint bank account.
When we purchased the carpet a few months back for the Twins’ room she offered to give us the money we normally send to her because she wanted to. We didn’t ask for it, she offered it. Sooooooo since it was a checking account I’ve been using my debit card for that account to buy groceries and other things we needed, using my personal checking account to make the payment toward the carpet. Instead of being rational and listening to me when I attempted to explain this to her, Mom decided on a whim to go close the joint account.
Which wouldn’t have been too much of an issue, except I had a series transfer set up to come out weekly per our agreement, and because she closed the account with out telling me I was unable to cancel the series transfer. It’s not that I really had an issue with her wanting to put her money elsewhere, but she simply did not understand what I was telling her and went into a giant tirade about how Hubs and I were taking advantage of her by spending that money on things other than the carpet, to which I responded: “You GAVE us that money. You don’t get to dictate how we spend it, or when we spend it as long as the carpet is getting paid for, which it is. The rest of our finances really aren’t any of your business, AND by closing the account we had written into the contract the entire thing is void and in limbo. You breeched your own contract and now, I legally have no obligation to continue to pay you at all. You don’t realize what you’ve done.”
To which she went into complete denial claiming how that simply wasn’t true and I was just stealing her money and blah blah blah blah NPD paranoia to the max. Because I let her have the entire amount of the payment last week for groceries and some other things she needed while she was staying with us, she was no longer getting the warm and fuzzy supply from her “generosity” regarding the money and typical of the disorder decided to demand it back on her terms and her terms only.
Plus, the fact that she’s been trying to do all of these fun activities with my Little to win her over, and my Little wasn’t having any of it. She had a good time for sure, but at the end of the day no one compared to her mama, which hit my own mom on two fronts. Both because I have worked INSANELY HARD to develop a healthy relationship with my Little, and because I’ve cut my mom out of most areas of my own life due to her narcissistic abusive tendencies. So we had jealousy that my Little didn’t want to play with her today, loss of supply because she realized that Hubs and I are doing just fine financially and didn’t need her “generosity”, topped off with the fact that I was feeling much better after a few days to rest and a visit to my chiropractor to help with my bump discomfort.
It usually takes about two weeks for her NPD to raise it’s ugly head, so I’ve been waiting for her to do something to ruffle my feathers. I just never expected it to be something as epic as nullifying her own financial contract, and royally screwing up access to the money she was being so overprotective of in the first place. Of course she did get a nice dose of supply as I told her to pack up and get out, while she uninvited herself to the shower. That’s probably what her end game was all along, especially since she didn’t have anything to do with the shower, and once we set up a due date for the Twins she felt like she was no longer “needed” here to provide “help”.
Of course if I hadn’t actually needed her help I certainly wouldn’t have asked her to come stay with us. I didn’t expect it to last until the Twins were born, and certainly not after because that’s when I actually NEED help. Just giving her an ego boost for her “sacrifice” to be so far away from her home and the rest of the family only lasts so long. When people stopped calling and asking where she was, taking away her ability to gloat about “helping her daughter prepare for the twins” she quickly lost interest.
I do actually need some help, and I’m not entirely sure where I’m going to get it from now but I wasn’t about to put up with her manipulative shenanigans and pointless stunts. My mental state has been really great lately and as much as my physical body is crapping out on me, it’s not worth the mental sacrifice. I’ll figure something out, or my house will just go to the dogs until I’m physically able to keep up with it again. As long as my Littles are fed, clothed, and clean that’s really all that matters. The rest of it can wait.