This week has been a challenging week for me. My poor Little has been struggling with her peers, and it’s put me into a funk thus causing me to lose what little semblance of social finesse I possess. I didn’t quite reach complete emotional melt down mode, but it was hard. REALLY, REALLY hard to keep myself balanced this week so I could interact with MY peers. Being exhausted from pregnancy isn’t helping any in that regard, but despite all of our challenges the week ended on a resoundingly good note.
I’m still exhausted, and Little still has quite a way to go with her peers, but there was light at the end of the tunnel as we returned to the park this afternoon and she didn’t end up crying or getting pushed around. I understand it’s part of normal childhood development to go through that awkward transition from two to three, she’s been having trouble with her sinuses, the entire Tylenol fiasco, and getting ready for her brothers to arrive. Nothing especially wrong is happening, but her feelings have gotten hurt quite a bunch recently when she’s trying to play with her peers. Being my first Little watching her get upset is especially heart wrenching for me, plus it brings up a lot of my not so pleasant childhood memories and triggers a lot of anxiety. Not quite a full blown PTSD episode, but it’s uncomfortable and puts me on edge.
I’ve been toying with the idea of returning to my therapist to discuss it, especially since we never quite made it back to my childhood before I managed to wrangle my symptoms and enter remission, but I’m not entirely sure I want to put myself through the stress of emotional recall in the middle of a pregnancy. It would be like starting from scratch, revisiting those long repressed wounds, and aside from these little flare ups when my Little is having a difficult time I’ve been doing really well. It’s clearly something that I need to address since it does trigger my anxiety even if just a little, it’s just a matter of when I need to do it.
Of course if I wait until after the Twins arrive I’ll probably be back in her office with postpartum difficulties anyway so… maybe it is just better to ride it out and wait? I haven’t decided yet, but what I have decided is that surviving this week deserves a resounding hallelujah! *victory arms*