This week has been a difficult week with schedules being all thrown off, and Hubs being super stressed from work, but it has ended on a resoundingly positive note. I had an appointment with my therapist, and didn’t really have much to talk about at all. In a GOOD way. I can feel I’ve been doing well over the past few months, but hearing it reaffirmed in the midst of all the negative nellies I’ve dealt with makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER. Having that little pat on the back, and confirmation that I’ve continued to make healthy choices for the past six months, when my entire life has been filled with people trying to manipulate, invalidate and belittle me since birth really does wonders. She’s like the emotional mom I never got…. I just have to pay her for an hour of her time. lol.
It felt so awesome I almost started bawling in the middle of the office. lol. Although, I think that has more to do with pregnancy than the state of my emotional health right now. I’ve had random bawling fits all week this week with no previous emotional trigger anywhere in site. I’ll just be sitting here in the living room with my Little and she’ll say something really sweet, or do something really cute and I’ll start bawling. It’s so weird to be crying because I’m overwhelmingly happy instead of depressed, or angry. lol. I don’t care. I’ll take it.
It reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, reflecting back on how far I’ve come in terms of my recovery in the past two years.
Labyrinth, is such an amazing metaphor for recovery. I mean it really is, plus it’s fun and stars David Bowie. You can’t go wrong with Bowie… ever. I think in terms of this particular quote applying it to my own recovery it would be: “Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here. To take back the innocence you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours. You have no power over me.” YOU being any number of things I’ve struggled with. The past, the trauma, my abusers, my own self doubt, and recklessness. None of that controls me anymore. It has no power over me, and here in this moment finally coming to grips with that is an exceptionally amazing place to be.