The closer we get to the impending birth of our twins, the more Hubs begins to panic. Understandable for sure, but when Hubs begins to panic, Hubs completely shuts down. He does absolutely nothing aside from sleep and hide in the garage. Which usually isn’t too much of an issue now that I understand WHY he does it as a bipolar introvert. Before it hurt my feelings, but now I do my best to give him his space and ask as little as possible from him during his freak out moments, which are generally on a schedule of about every three weeks.

It’s difficult and unfair that the house work and child care falls entirely on me instead of our usual arrangement, especially since my range of motion is quickly disappearing as the Twins continue to grow, but as long as he has the space he needs to regroup his episodes normally only last a day or two before he’s back to his normal helpful self. NORMALLY only last a day or two, but there are some times when his schedule really gets thrown off, or he’s exceptionally worried about something that they tend to linger under the surface until they explode into a fit of epic proportions not resolving itself until the Little and I head out of town for a few days.

This past weekend, as wonderful as it was, tipped him over the edge into an episode. It was just too much interaction with everyone, too much running around, and too much change of schedule. He has been pissy ever since completely forgetting that the Little and I have had our schedules disrupted as well. He’s also fed up with only having one car but because he’s overwhelmed he refuses to do anything about finding the part to fix the Jeep. We’ve decided to cash in one of our small investments to pay for all the hospital bills and other expenses that have come up with the rough start to my pregnancy, but since it’s in his name, he has to be the one to initiate the paperwork and is so overwhelmed he refuses. We still have to finish mudding and sanding the drywall in the Twins’ room, and he’s too overwhelmed to do that. Basically until he calms down everything aside from the basic functions of the household has come to a grinding halt.

Which frustrates me, woman of action in times of crisis, until there is no tomorrow. Thankfully the asthma meds have really pretty much resolved any anxiety I had aside from triggering events so I’m not feeling as bad as I would have been before we figured that out, but it is still really stressful. Especially since even if I could keep up with the Little, all of the housework, finish the babies room, and find a way to fix the Jeep, I wouldn’t have any money to pay for those things because I can’t get the investment cashed in and the hospital bills are sucking up any extra spending cash we’ve had for quite a while now. I feel stuck, and I HATE feeling stuck.

We’re seventeen weeks into this pregnancy, and the average twin gestation is anywhere from 34-37 weeks. I’m technically half way there, strictly in terms of numbers. We don’t have the added bonus of those extra four or six weeks this go around, which certainly isn’t doing anything to help Hubs’ anxiety but it’s not making it very easy on me either knowing these things HAVE to be done yet until Hubs can get back on track none of them will be.

I wish he would just go back to the doctor and take his medication. We have awesome insurance, it won’t be expensive, he just needs to do it and refuses. He said he hated being on it when he was younger because it made him feel like a zombie. Yes, okay. I can understand that, but that was also fifteen years ago. Medications have changed a whole bunch since then, there are a million different options compared to what he had when he was younger, and yet he still refuses. It took me four years to get him to the chiropractor, so eventually he’ll come around I’m sure. It’s just going to be a very difficult first year after the Twins are born, and after such a good year this year it’s going to be rough on everyone. I was hoping since things had been going so well and we’d worked through so much it would be different this time, and I believe it would have been if we’d only had one new addition. Two is going to be too much for Hubs to handle I fear. :/

2 thoughts on “Panic!

  1. For sure. It’s a lot easier the second go around, but still ever so frustrating! Lol. It’s just because we’re so completely opposite 🙂

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