Thanks to that nifty little thing Facebook added to their profiles I had the opportunity to look back to everything going on in my life last year. I can’t believe it’s only been a year, it seems like a lifetime ago. lol.
Last year Hubs and I were on the verge of divorce and I was in the middle of my most intense therapy. Through out the beginning of our marriage Hubs kept little secrets or told white lies to avoid hurting me and sharing his true feelings about a lot of important issues. That’s just how he had always done things and it honestly never occurred to him that when I eventually found out the truth I would be hurt. Needless to say… I was. lol. They were pretty big things that he hadn’t been honest with me about though. The decision to get married, the decision to have a child, the decision to have me stay at home vs being a working mom…. pretty big things. Basically 75% of our entire relationship was based on a lie and filling to the brim with resentment because of it.
Once we were finally able to clear the air of the resentment and after a brief separation things started getting better. Still a bit strained, but better from July until January. In January it was like we started a completely different life together. Same people, same circumstances, but much more honesty and communication. After nearly losing everything we’d built over the past few years, we realized how much we truly did want to be together and expand our family.
This year, just a few short months after really recommitting to each other, life has done a complete 180 heading in the exact opposite direction. Instead of dreading what the coming months will bring, I’m excited to see where life takes us, even though having two infants to take care of is going to be intense and stressful for a completely different reason, I don’t have the anxiety and stress that I did last year. I’m actually looking forward to taking the Little to the carnival and watching the annual town festivities this year for the first time in quite a long time.
I don’t think we’re actually going to make it to the fireworks this year because the Little isn’t a fan of loud noises at the moment, but I’m not much a fan of loud noises either. lol. Once you’ve seen 20 something years of fireworks they kind of lose their allure unless it’s a super big choreographed display and Little is still a bit young for sparklers or anything fun like that. She is excited to see the parade and play with her cousins for a while though.
Anyway… I should probably get off the computer and go get dressed for the day. lol. It’s a holiday. 11am is a perfectly acceptable time to still be in my jammies….