I’m struggling quite a bit here recently to keep myself balanced. Pregnancy always throws me for a loop, but I think it’s a bit more difficult this time. Mostly because so far I’ve been able to keep my crazy in check without medication, but the ways I’ve been able to do that aren’t currently available to me.
I’m working out, but not at the usual intensity so it’s not burning off as much of my excess adrenaline, and it’s been eight weeks since my husband and I have been together. I have too much adrenaline and testosterone and not enough endorphins to balance them out. I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin, which is sending my thoughts all over the place. Plus I’m just perpetually ANGRY, from the moment I wake up until the moment my head hits the pillow, which has been murder on my blood pressure here the past few days.
I KNOW the root cause of my shifting moods so I’m able to regulate my reactions fairly well. I haven’t snapped at anyone, or done anything reckless. Which used to be my go to coping mechanism when I felt all off kilter, so points for that! Progress! Whoo! Just because I’m able to cope with my emotions much better, doesn’t really make them easier to deal with on a personal level. It makes it a hell of a lot easier for the rest of the people in my life, but I’m still stuck in the perpetual ups and downs.
People keep asking me if I’m okay, so I apparently look about as good as I feel. I mean what do I say? No, my brain is really getting the best of me right now because I haven’t PR’d any lifts, or gotten laid in almost two months? Lol. Right. My tact has pretty much gone out the window as well, making it very difficult to publish anything recently.
I like to keep the blog as PG-13 as possible, and right now it’s becoming increasingly difficult. Swearing releases endorphins… I have to get them somewhere!! At least Hubs has been incredibly supportive of the entire thing. Which is nice, but also slightly weird to get used to. Lol. We had the most awkward conversation about it the other day.
I basically have him permission for a casual hook up as long as the boundaries were clear with the other girl and he was the most shocked and appalled I’ve ever seen. I’ve never had a man offended with permission to sleep around before, which is kind of sweet honestly. But then it lead to the awkward discussion about me wanting to leave if he was ever incapable. Which I wouldn’t. I’m a one dude kind of girl. I don’t even have any celebrity crushes because it makes me feel weird lol. I just don’t particularly mind if my partner wants to safely explore. It’s never bothered me… Which is probably why I’ve been left in the dust more than once, but meh. It’s irrelevant now since Hubs isn’t interested.
He’s a good one, Hubs. <3<3<3