Mood Swing 9000

This pregnancy… I don’t even know. I’m in this weird hormonal mood cycle. I wake up filled with the most insane irrational rage and just want to punch puppies in the face, I mellow out through the afternoon, and by bedtime I’m bawling for no real reason even if the day itself has gone extremely well. I’ve cried myself to sleep three nights in a row now and snapped at so many people in the mornings I’ve lost count. The Pregnancy Rage is REAL!! 

At least I’m blaming it on hormones, but it could also be my BPD flaring up with the impending massive change on the horizon and how much it impacts my identity, or maybe even a combination of both. SOMETHING has me swinging across all ends of the emotional spectrum within 24hrs and it’s been going on for weeks. Well the waking rage has anyway, the bawling at night is new. That just started this past weekend. 

Humans are so weird and fragile when it comes to the chemicals balanced in our bodies. Literally ANYTHING can upset the balance with varying different results. It’s true for all humans, but due to growing up and feeling more freely able to express our emotions women sort of get the short end of the stick. It’s more obvious that we go through chemical changes and how much it affects our moods because we tend to express ourselves differently depending on how we’re emotionally driven. 

When men react to their chemical storms it tends to be much more violent or self destructive. Instead of simply expressing themselves when they feel it, things generally store up until it becomes an overwhelming emotional explosion. Most men aren’t taught HOW to express themselves in an emotionally healthy way. 

I’m still confused how being in touch with our emotions, the things that separate us from the rest of the species’ on the planet, has rounded out to the portrayal of weakness… Well, no I suppose I do understand. Predatory people are predatory because they lack the ability to connect with their emotions. They flock toward those who can with intense curiosity and jealousy. So if one doesn’t wish to be victimized I suppose one would try to appear less vulnerable by camouflaging themselves as emotionless…

And now I’ve completely lost my train of thought. Pregnancy Brain is also a very real phenomenon! Ha!