SO… I have this habit… being me getting swept up in the moment and easily overwhelmed in terms of emotional things, if you hit me in just the right frame of mind I will go off on a tangent rant of epic proportions. I’ve gotten a lot better at owning up to my curt often misdirected outbursts but still… it happens a lot more than I’d like to admit.
Yesterday was a perfect example on two fronts. I was just in a generally annoyed mood yesterday. Stupid little things that normally don’t bother me were really getting under my skin. I had to wait for longer than ten minutes in the check out at the store which irritated me, Hubs wanted a fountain drink while I was out so I stopped at three drive thru’s looking for a line shorter than ten cars, and that irritated me. Waiting, just irritated me.
Then the whole sister in law thing comes up and I sit down and rant about that, not even really thinking about it just venting my frustration with life in general. Yeah. Totally forgot that yesterday was actually her birthday. The Most Insensitive Oblivious Sister in Law Award goes to: None other than yours truly.
SO there was that, then I got on Facebook and ranted about some discrepancies in my reporting stats for the page completely forgetting that not a few hours earlier had I shared the page which was the cause of the discrepancies. A poor friend of mine who was unaware of the relaunch went through all of my previous posts but had to step away from her computer before she could like the page, and when she returned was greeted with my rant and a half about stat discrepancies.
D’oh! It’s true… Hubs affectionately calls me the most accidental asshole he’s ever met. I never try to be curt, rude or mean, but more often than not I come across that way. It used to embarrass him, but now he just laughs at me. It’s really a wonder I have any friends who still talk to me after listening to my ranting. *shrugs*
I think a lot of it comes from being victimized so much through out my life. It’s not paranoia, but I’m just always ready for the absolute worst scenario to unfold and even the smallest slight can be perceived as an attack, especially when I’m in an emotionally volatile state to begin with. One of the best things I’ve ever seen is a comparison between BPD, PTSD and burn victims. I wish I could find the direct quote, but I can’t. It goes something like this: “Think of those with PTSD as you would a burn victim. Their emotional skin has been compromised through trauma and even the slightest touch causes searing pain.”