Ker-Snap

Let’s discuss this…  When I am triggered,  or something triggers me and I inform people that means: Hey, I’m not exactly thinking clearly at the moment, give me some space and I’ll come around eventually. It does not mean: just keep right on pushing me until I hear you. What happens when you keep pushing? I will flip out and turn off all of my social filters. I understand this is true for all of us who have triggers so I’m willing to forgive a whole hell of a lot, but damn. It needs to go both ways for things to be productive.

It doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear you. It doesn’t mean I don’t value your opinion or discussion, it means I need a break so I can think clearly. Do not talk to Kelli when she is triggered. You will accomplish exactly zero things aside from me getting progressively more upset and less polite as the conversation goes on. *sigh*

It’s just not been my week everyone. Things have gotten entirely too emotional and I need a break. Not necessarily bad emotional, just really intense. Even the good things are too much for me right now. I jumped in with both feet, and got going a little too fast. I’m feeling the need to withdraw a little bit from the world, which sucks especially since the blogging universe really started looking up there for me again, but yeah. This is what happens when you put yourself out there. I’m aware, I just didn’t understand how that in itself was triggering for me. I’ve been hiding for so long I’ve forgotten that not everyone who has something to say is trying to bait me into slandering people, or giving up information, or trying to get information to hurt me.

Some people are. I’m sure I have a follower or two that’s not exactly here for funzies, but for the most part the blogging community at large isn’t out to get me. I need to remember that… I need to GET USED TO THAT. My audience is growing substantially in recent months. It’s not just my friends and a few random stragglers anymore. I actually have quite a few people who are interested and want to engage with what I have to say. That’s new. I don’t think I was quite ready for it, honestly. My baby steps turned into a moon bounce.

We’ll see who sticks around after these emotional spaz basket posts. I might not have an audience after these shenanigans. lol.

8 thoughts on “Ker-Snap

  1. What in the hell is up with that! Hope whatever internal drama is going on you get it fixed. Sounds like blogging has done wonders for you don’t let a few bad apples ruin it for you. Best of luck!

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  2. I wouldn’t worry about people not following you anymore, I would be concerned if you were blogging for me to follow. Even if they get to you a bit, don’t let ’em see it. Keep being true to yourself. We’ll be here when you’re ready.

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  3. A- Glad I didn’t say anything earlier…
    B- I know what you mean sorta. It took almost a year at my current job, where people treat you like human beings, to get out of my old job, which is why I had a complete meltdown last May, expecting them to WANT me to put the world on my shoulders when they kept telling me they understood. It’s hard to get your mind to believe it. I’m just happy that the closest I come to PTSD is Arden Corporation.

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  4. I’m doing a little better now after my appointment with my therapist this morning. I’m no longer spazzing out, but there is still a lot of emotional crap going on. It’ll be on FB later. lol

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