One of the “gifts” that comes with having PTSD is a completely uncanny knack for being able to sense when things are dangerous or off kilter. The slightest change in the atmosphere or energy of a room immediately sets me on high alert. I can’t wait until I get into more of that in my studies. Right now I really only have experience to talk about. I haven’t quite learned the science behind it yet. I just know, my intuition is never wrong and often times I can sense things before they happen. Usually most often these sensations manifest in dreams. My subconscious reaching a conclusion days or even weeks before my conscious mind catches up. I’m used to it, getting the weird little pin pricks, uneasy feelings, etc etc etc.
This morning, something even extraordinary happened. I didn’t sleep much last night because I kept having intense dreams about a man trying to harm my Little. Each time it was a different scenario, and each time I was able to come to her rescue, but every time it was a man clothed in black with dark hair, and evil eyes. Sincerely, pure evil radiated from his eyes. That’s really the only way I have to describe it. I woke a few times through out the night flustered, but nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be going on. The dog was quiet and still, Hubs had fallen asleep in the living room as usual, and her window is located behind our six foot, locked, privacy fence. There was no reason to physically be alarmed, but emotionally it was a difficult night. I really thought I socked Hubs in the jaw a few times during the night as I was fighting off this Phantom Man trying to harm my child, but thankfully I didn’t. Just the pillows.
This morning when the Little woke up, Hubs went to get her as he usually does on the weekends, and she started recanting the story of the man in her room the previous night. She said: “Daddy! The man! The man in my room, he liked my pink boots. I was wearing my pink boots and he liked them. Look!” as she franticly pointed behind Hubs down the hall way toward the living room. “The man! He was at my window, and now he’s here!” I had been only partially awake as Hubs generally lets me sleep in on Saturdays, but as soon as those words left her mouth, I sat up. Hubs shuffled her into our bedroom, and went to investigate, but all of the windows and doors were secure. There were no tracks in the snow out side her bedroom window, not to mention the gate was still securely locked, and yet she was absolutely certain she had seen a man in her bed room watching her at some point during the night.
CHILLS. ALL the chills down my spine!! I talked to her again and again over the course of the day and we finally established that it was a “dream man”. Not a man like Daddy who could hold her and hug her, but a “dream man”. She could see him, and he was scary but he couldn’t hurt her. Now whether this guy was a product of her imagination, or an otherworldly apparition is uncertain, but while we were out shopping as a family this afternoon she saw someone across the store and began yelling: “There he is! The man! The dream man! There he is!” Low and behold I followed her pointing to see a man, with dark hair and dark sunken eyes much like the man I had seen in my own dream. Needless to say we quickly left the store. More so because we were done shopping, but also because it was just too uncanny.
If living with this disorder has taught me anything over the years, it’s to always trust your first instinct in uncertain situations. My first instinct was to keep her away from the man with the sunken eyes who was watching our cart intently as Hubs wheeled it around the store with our Little happily bouncing in the basket seat. Even if he was just an innocent passer by and my hypersensitivity was on over drive due to the conversations of the morning, I didn’t want to risk it. There are so many people out in the world today who have no desire but to hurt and destroy little children it makes me sick. I’d rather be safe than sorry.