Things I Miss

This weekend has just been perfection. I know last week I mentioned how kind of uncomfortable happiness felt there for a moment, but now? Ef it! lol. I’m going to enjoy it. I don’t know if this is going to be my new normal, but I certainly hope so!

This has been Hubs’ and my first totally Little free weekend in… I don’t even remember when. I miss her like crazy, but I’m also REALLY enjoying the quite. Do you know what I miss the most about life before children? Being able to run around the house in my undies or nothing at all if the mood strikes me! Before Nora came a long weekends and days where it was just Hubs and I at the house, there was a really good chance if you showed up unannounced at The House of Hale you’d get a surprising eye full if I answered the door. lol. I didn’t realize exactly how much I missed the freedom to wear whatever I wanted at home until recently. 

I also really miss the quiet. My Little is a super well behaved kid, and she is never really LOUD, but now that she’s really learned to put her sentences together she is also rarely silent. Always soft spoken unless we’re playing a rowdy game, but rarely silent. She’s also in the stage where everything is: “Mama! Mama! Mama!” From the moment she wakes up, until the moment she falls asleep she says my name just about a million times per day for no real reason at all other than to get my attention. lol. Kids TV shows these days are also obnoxiously loud. It seems like if one character isn’t yelling at another at least 75% of the time, or monsters/villains aren’t attacking, the characters break out into song. She loves her shows, and Im not going to deny her, but they are just SO LOUD.

Having one on one time with Hubs with out rushing around in an immediate hurry to pick up the Little and get her in bed has been wonderful too. With our new mattress we’ve been sleeping a whole lot better, putting us each in a much more pleasant mood. We didn’t really do anything extravagant or special yesterday, not anything differently from any other weekend but it was great. Slept in, got out later in the afternoon for a late lunch and wandered around the mall for a while, went hunting for a place to get a root beer float for like two hours, and had some really good conversation. The exact conversation we’ve been needing to have since my diagnosis almost two years ago. lol. 

I was right. My dear Hubs wasn’t sure he wanted to stay with my crazy pants self after I started treatment. He pulled WAY away, which triggered all the BPD abandonment issues, in addition to working through my past trauma and just made the last two years uncomfortable and difficult. It’s not that I was truly hiding my crazy so much as I didn’t actually KNOW I was clinically crazy back in the early days of our relationship. Once I started my treatment and had to bring up everything from the past, I wanted to tell him and allow him into those parts of my life, completely forgetting that for someone who didn’t experience some of the things I went through and survive it, that shit is intense! To me, they’re just things that happened to me, to someone else who loves me and cares for me they are a whole lot to swallow and process.

It wasn’t fair of me to dump all of my baggage at his feet all at once, but it honestly didn’t occur to me. He calls me an Accidental Asshole all the time, when I do or say something unintentionally rude or insensitive. lol. I’m so proud of him for finally being able to talk about it with me. I know it took a whole lot for him to be able to do that. Seeing his renewed faith and effort in our relationship makes me feel really safe, and secure. There are still some things we need to work on, but we can work on them together.  

15.1 was a huge success. The pros only got about 7 rounds, and I got 2! That doesn’t sound like a whole lot, but THE PROS ONLY GOT SEVEN ROUNDS. I’m just a hair under 1/3 as good as the pros in my second year of training, and first official competition. There are still a few things I need to work on. I did have to scale a little bit since I can’t quite get toes to bar, and I need to actually do it again because I was one of the last people to set up my bar and didn’t have as many weights as I wanted for the clean. I can do better. I think tomorrow as long as the weather clears up I’m going to give it a second attempt. Even if I don’t do any better than Friday it will be nice to focus on what I need to improve for the next five weeks.

Hmm… what else? OH! I got my test results back, and did really well! I felt like I totally bombed one question which I didn’t, so that was a nice surprise. lol. It’s not that I don’t know the material it’s just been quite a challenge to switch from my informal blogging to actual academic writing again. I have thoughts that I want to express, but getting them out in a more standardized and organized fashion is proving to be a bit difficult. I don’t mind. It gives me a challenge in these early classes. There isn’t much I’m actually learning yet. It’s all very basic and pretty much review at the moment. This is the part of school I hate. lol. BUT I have to do it to get to where I want to be, so I’m just sort of grinning and bearing it. It does make fitting everything else into my schedule pretty easy. When I actually have to start studying to learn new material… I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to do that. lol. I guess we’ll see. Hopefully I can get the Little enrolled in school by then. 

The waiting lists for preschools around here are kind of ridiculous. I mean, you would think if they had so many people looking for a school they would just open up some more, but nope. There are quite a few day care options, but if I’m going to pay for her to be somewhere I’m going to send her to school. I’m not sure if we can get her into our first choice at all now with how long the process is taking. It’s a little discouraging, but it’s also nice. I wanted to keep her at home as long as possible, and right now while it’s not really interfering with my school work I can’t really complain. lol. 

Speaking of my Little… it’s going to take us forever and a day to get out to her grandparents to pick her up this afternoon. I had no idea it was going to snow so much today. I really need to start getting the car cleaned off.

2 thoughts on “Things I Miss

  1. Congratulations on doing well on your test. I miss academic writing a bit, as I’ve been out of doing it for a few years. That said, I always considered it to be a wonderful challenge.

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  2. Thank you! I’m enjoying the challenge, but it’s so different. I blog just like I’m having a conversation, trying to be professional is… Yeah. Lol. See??

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