As is the norm in anything overly emotional for those of us living with BPD and PTSD… I’m in a pretty low place today. The defining difference between BiPolar and BPD, our euphoric states only last 24-48hrs in the best of circumstances before getting swallowed once again with self doubt, self loathing and depression. I’ll be okay once I level out. I’m not out of control, but just a little melancholy today.
The insanity that is the 50 Shades debate really sucked the life and fire right out of me. Not that I really expected my one little post to make a difference in the minds of those who enjoy/support the franchise, but watching those who don’t understand mock and ridicule myself and fellow victims/survivors for voicing our opinion has just become overwhelmingly sad. Again in true Borderline fashion, I skipped right over pity, sadness, and anger but hopped right into grief. I sincerely grieve for these people whom laugh at the abuse portrayed in the book/film. Those who feel the need to lash out, or attack us for disagreeing with them. It makes me physically sick.
I’ve really said all I can say about the matter. There’s no point in continuing to preach from my soap box, especially to those whom don’t wish to listen. I need to walk away from it, yet how can I when it’s in my face every time I log into any of my social media accounts? Opening my computer for any reason brings a flood of trending news stories, reviews, notifications, and emails. Most of them have been positive. I actually got the most heartfelt email from a fan yesterday. It brought tears to my eyes, but for every positive thing brought around by my choice to share there are two or three negative things.
Is it going to stop me? No, because for those 200 odd people that were touched, inspired, and emboldened by my words it’s worth it. I’ve been blessed with this gift, I intend to use it. Maybe it’s just the recklessness that comes with Borderline… maybe it’s a streak of narcissism… maybe it’s an idealistic hope for humanity… a streak of tenacity that is bred in survivors to rise above adversity… who knows?
I stumbled across this song this morning, and it ties in really well with what I’m feeling at the moment, battling my unbalanced emotions. I decided to share it. Sepiamusic has been and will be one of my absolute favorite bands of all time. If you enjoy this track the rest of their music can be found on iTunes or Last.fm.