I Don’t Know Where to Put These

Basically a continuation of my post yesterday…

I felt like I should expound on my flashbacks a little bit, since they’re not typical flashbacks. I don’t have any issues dealing with the things that happened to MYSELF. Those memories come up in response to personal trauma. My own mistakes and choices, or events that happen to ME bring up memories of the horrible events in my life. Those I can compartmentalize and control with no problem. The things that are currently plaguing me aren’t events that happened directly to ME, and I think that might be the key to dealing with them in a healthy manor. They aren’t something that I can use my trauma coping techniques to deal with, I just have to figure out exactly what keeps bringing them up so I can figure out how to deal with them.

That looks jumbled… it sounded a lot better in my head, but getting it out on paper is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. It would be easier if I could just share the actual memories, but I can’t. Every time I try to write them down or recall them I get a massive migraine and my emotions go completely wonky. They’re pretty firmly repressed, and I assume there is a reason they are so firmly repressed. At least the complete memory is repressed. I just get to see these annoying little snippets that don’t make much sense. There’s just enough to trigger an emotional response, but not enough to completely analyze it. Which, being me, Analyst Extraordinaire really bothers me. I can’t even figure out how to convey my feelings and thoughts to my therapist. It’s like they’re there, the pictures and memories but I can’t get them OUT.

It could be that the only reason they bother me is the fact that they hit me right upon waking before I really have a chance to get a hold of my mind and completely put my coping processes in place. Yeah, it really is a daily thing. Directly my thoughts away from the past and into the present. It’s something I consciously have to chose to do. EVERY SINGLE DAY. So that could be it… but even that doesn’t explain why they keep randomly popping up. I must be hitting a trigger somewhere. It HAS to be. The only other explanation would be the Heart String Theory. I’m subconsciously picking up energetic vibrations/thoughts sent in my direction. I’m a fan of quantum physics and String Theory, so something out of the box like that makes sense to me, but there isn’t any real solid scientific evidence that String Theory is valid. Relativity is still the scientific reigning king, and if we’re going on that it’s something that my own mind is doing not some sort of psychic energy.

I can’t really think of another reason images of other people in pain and tears just pop into my head aside from a psychic projection phenomenon, and I do have a killer intuition. Generally after these images pop up in my head my blog stats will spike, or I’ll run into the person in my dreams generally within two weeks. Now that’s either a stupid insane coincidence, Devine intervention, or just dumb luck. I can’t tell the difference anymore. I used to read deeply into it, but then I got caught up in it and started making quantum leaps instead of innocent connections which wasn’t a healthy mind set to be in with my other issues. I’ve gotten better about letting the coincidences slide and just accepting them for what they are, but THEY KEEP HAPPENING. At a certain point one has to wonder when things become more than coincidence, right?

4 thoughts on “I Don’t Know Where to Put These

  1. You could be highly sensitive. I’m highly sensitive and clairvoyant, which is a pain at times but over the years I’ve learned to deal with it. At night before bedtime, and in the morning when first waking up, try meditating for a short while. You can hold a crystal as well (they help me focus). In the meditations, picture yourself drawing a circle around you, surrounding you with white, protective light. This will help keep the negative and unwanted energies away from you while you sleep and while you’re walking during the day. During the night, I also like to do this quick mediation for clearing away negativity:

    Also, there is a theory that everyone you meet forms a connection with you. Luckily, this is pretty easy to fix. Just follow the meditation below to cut the connections:

    Doreen Virtue explains this incredibly well in her series of books. Another option is smudging, which involves going room to room with a lightly lit smudge stick of sage to clear out the energies. A quicker and easier method (my personal favorite) is to just ask Archangel Michael to clear out all of the negativity lurking near you.

    Sorry if this all sounds out there, but it has been helping me deal with the type of occurances that you’re having. ❤

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  2. It’s not out there! On the contrary, if others have experienced similar thoughts and feelings it makes me feel a little less crazy. lol. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

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  3. Small aside on your string theory postulate: I have often had moments when, say someone on the road almost cut me off… and I get a mild pain where an accident MIGHT have hurt me. As if it would have happened in a parallel world.

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  4. This is why I’m studying psychology. It’s so difficult to distinguish between perception and reality, or even altered reality. Then there’s hard science, faith, and the super natural tossed in the mix. Being a human is hard. Lol

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