Flash Forward

I have an advantage with ACT therapy that most other old school forms of trauma therapy don’t provide. I remember everything. I do mean EVERYTHING, and while first going through things is rough I’m thankful for the incite it provides.

I was struggling a little bit with intrusive thoughts and partial flashbacks this weekend as the bulk of the physical part of my miscarriage happened. After spending all day yesterday locked in my bedroom writing down my memories and thoughts, it’s over. I feel great, I’m not bogged down by anything anymore. Aside from what to do with my ten page mini book about all the specifics of each miscarriage I’ve endured over the years. The actual miscarriages themselves weren’t so hard to write about, but the few times I remember the specific conception of each lost Little, those were pretty hard to write about and deal with. 

Even those difficult memories to encounter, still gave me enormous insight. I like to think of this whole CBT adventure as a giant puzzle. You can’t solve a puzzle with missing pieces, even those annoying pieces that don’t seem to fit anywhere until the rest of the puzzle is close to complete. You have to have them. Or another analogy, playing cards. To be successful you have to be playing with a full deck. It decreases your chances of success when you remove or edit cards. Sure, for a while things might be better with a stacked deck, but the odds simply aren’t in your favor forever. Eventually it will catch up with you.  

And now my train of thought has derailed… lol. I’m still a bit mentally and emotionally exhausted with everything else happening. Plus I woke up late today and I’ve been running around like a chicken with no head ever since trying to catch everything up. Maybe I’ll come back to this later…