Bloggies, I have a tough decision to make here. While I love my blog and it’s been a very vital tool in my healing process I don’t know if I can continue. I think recent events have just turned it into more of an anxiety than a release for my emotions. Which wouldn’t be conducive to my ongoing efforts to heal. HOWEVER, I also can’t really take something I enjoy and throw it away based on the decisions of others. While I admit that my words have had an impact on people, I don’t believe I am completely at fault. Last year at the beginning of my journey I reached out to members of my audience with a warning, and this gave them the power of choice. Those who have been affected CHOSE to keep reading, even though I have them the opportunity to stop.
I don’t want to say I’m not at least somewhat responsible, but at the same time shouldering all of the blame isn’t right either. I think everything really just came together in a perfect storm. We all did/said things we regret, but requiring others to change how they feel is pretty selfish not to mention impossible. Even if I stop writing here, I’m not going to STOP WRITING. It’s my passion, my life, and my tool to ward of my racing and intrusive thoughts. Writing it too good for me to sacrifice on behalf of the masses, no matter how much I care, nor how close they are to my heart. Would it be more detrimental to accidentally stumble across my writing somewhere else completely by accident, or to know where it is and have the choice not to read it?
I’m leaning toward the second option. Staying here and continuing to document my life and my journey easily and freely accessible to anyone who wishes to read it. It’s not something to be ashamed of after all, and I have no reason to hide it. It’s my life, if happened, it affected me in profound ways. POSITIVE ways. I can’t deny that, or rather I WON’T deny that just to coddle, comfort, and enable others.
I don’t know. Even sitting here trying to justify it is exhausting, not to mention unnecessary. I just don’t know Bloggies… I just don’t know.