Back On the Wagon

”Awareness of current body sensations can anchor one in the present, here and now, facilitating separation of past and present. One is less likely to stay lost or stuck in the past while aware of body-sensations. This very important when working with trauma and PTSD, since the pull into the past can be great and decompensation severe. Sensing the body is a current time activity.” Babette Rothschild

^^ That right there is why I need to stop being lazy and making excuses and get into the gym. I’ve never had an actual gym membership, but I think if I was spending money for it I would take it more seriously. I did really well on my own last year until the crazy child molesters, and homicidal maniacs showed up in my neighborhood, making it EXTREMELY uncomfortable for me to enjoy my daily walks. I have a few exercise DVD’s that are effective but that was before I had a busy toddler wandering around the house getting into things. During nap time I have other responsibilities to tend to. As time goes by nap time is getting shorter and shorter as well. Thankfully I can put her in her room with a bunch of toys and she is fairly content whether she’s napping or not, but still. There is so much other stuff that just needs to be done exercising gets pushed to the bottom of my priority list.

But my DVD’s were practically free, and they are ALWAYS there. I don’t feel obligated to use them because of the “Oh I’ll do it later” mentality. If I had something organized with some one there to directly motivate me I think I would take it more seriously. Originally the plan was for me to stop exercising and dieting while we were trying to conceive Baby 2. That was in August of last year… lol. Still no Baby 2, and now I’ve plumped up again. Not anything like I did postpartum but my thighs are a little more wiggly than usual, and my pants are a little bit tighter. lol.

I mentioned looking into the local YMCA for Nora’s swimming so a membership there is more than likely what I’ll end up with. Kevin gets a discount through work, and I’m fairly certain our insurance pays part of membership fees too… or reimburses us or something. Kevin and I toured the facility when it first opened and I really like what they have to offer, but the membership base is very small and the kids programs are lacking. If I’m going to get a membership to a family oriented facility I’d like to participate as a family.

If I’m really the only one who’s going to benefit from the membership, I’m also looking into CrossFit. It’s a little bit more expensive, but it’s also a lot more focused and challenging. That’s what I need to stay on my path toward recovery. FOCUSED, and CHALLENGING. Piddling around at home, or going to a self driven work out program isn’t going to keep my mind from wandering on difficult days. Especially since I have a wanderlust for danger and excitement. Really beating myself up in a healthy, positive way as opposed to a negative,  unhealthy way will probably benefit me more in the long run. If I survive the orientation class lol. I don’t really know which way I’m going to go but I will most certainly be going to do SOMETHING with in the next week.

I’ve worked hard over the past few months to achieve my remission status, and I’m bound and determined to stay there. Did I mention that here? I don’t think I did. Yep, Bloggies, I am officially in remission!! It’s something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, but my symptoms are practically nonexistent right now, and they have been for almost a month. I hope I’m not jinxing myself here lol. It’s kind of nice to sit here and think calmly and rationally for a change not being overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and rogue emotional outburst. I don’t really know what to do with myself. lol.

In a way it’s kind of like an empty feeling. I guess when you’ve been dysfunctional for most of your life, you just kind of adapt and get used to it. When you finally heal there is a little bit of a void. I don’t know how to explain it, but I like it. lol. Anyway… Nora is ready to get up and I have a lot of errands to run today. Until later Bloggies. 🙂