A Bit of a Humbug

Does it make me a terrible person to be excited that the Holidays are over? Because I am. Such a wave of relief washed over me the moment I woke up on December 26th. Nothing really dramatic or BAD happened, in fact it was pretty quiet. Kevin had several days off, we visited my parents in Ohio for a few days, and Nora enjoyed opening her gifts and playing with the truck load of new toys she received.

The trip was really nice. It was actually the first time I’ve been able to visit my parents and go around town with out having a panic attack in… what… six years now? A long time lol. We did all the touristy shopping things, and I revisited a few of the places that have been huge triggers for me in recent years. That was my mistake. I was doing awesome, on top of the world, completely unaffected by things that until recently would have had me crying in a corner. That is until Sunday. We went out to lunch with my parents at one of my absolute favorite restaurants, a Chinese buffet. We walked in, sat down, and I filled my plate. All completely normal, no problems. Then as I was spooning out a serving of egg drop soup, I turned into a weepy mess. I have NO idea what it was about the soup, but that’s all it took. I could barely keep it together. In fact it upset me so much we headed home Sunday evening instead of Monday afternoon as planned.

I think I bit off a little more than I could chew. I’ve been doing SO WELL, with therapy and all of that I got ahead of myself. So I can’t be in Ohio for more than three days at a time right now… but three days is a massive improvement considering before it was a matter of hours before I was a weepy mess. Two steps forward, one step back I guess. Oh yeah! Speaking of therapy, I have “graduated” to biweekly appointments! That means it’s working! Yay! lol.

ANYWAY… Sunday started me on the downward slope. Monday when we got home Kevin and I were unloading the Jeep and the back hatch slammed into the crown of my head. I was already feeling crappy, and then getting knocked in the head really didn’t help anything. It was an accident, and I know that, but it hurt and left me feeling even more scrambled than before. I’m fairly certain I had a slight concussion, but my symptoms weren’t severe so I never actually went to the doctor. I was mega dizzy, my vision was blurred, and I pretty much went catatonic there for an hour or two. Functioning, but not there mentally. Kevin kept asking me if I was okay, and I couldn’t even answer him. It was like I knew the answer, and I wanted to answer but the words just wouldn’t find their way out. I was in that dazed state pretty much all day Monday, all day Christmas Eve, and most of the day Christmas day.

So I mean I really don’t know if I was emotionally upset by overloading myself with triggers the week before, or if it was because I got knocked in the head but I was not a happy camper for Christmas at ALL. All I really wanted to do was sleep until January… but I got up and made myself participate in all the Hale/Smith family gatherings, which I’m thankful for. Even in my mental fog, it was such a joy watching Nora open her gifts and play with her cousins. I have the most adorable picture of her cousin Ava showing her how to ride her tricycle. “No Elleenor! Put your feet here, on the peddles.” Ava would say, as Nora just cackled and kicked like crazy.

Oh! Nora has officially started walking! Like with out help, legit walking. It’s HILARIOUS to watch because while she’s got the mechanics of one foot in front of the other down, she kind of scoots sideways with one hand over her head for balance. It’s more like dancing than walking at this point. She’ll take a few steps really slowly, and then skitter the rest of the way to where ever she’s going. She also learned how to say the dreaded word “no” on Christmas Eve. I asked her to turn around and come back into the living room. She paused, turned to look at me and replied: “Mmmm…. no!” before continuing on her quest into the kitchen.

So it begins… lol. It was inevitable, but my sweet Little is starting to form her own thoughts and opinions, and I’m not sure how I feel about it just yet. It’s a weird mix of pride, and fear lol. She said it again the next day while I was trying to get her into her pajamas. I asked her to sit up so I could put her pajama shirt over her head, and she yelped: “Nooooooooo.” while flailing back onto the floor. Oh toddlerhood…  Really she’s exceptionally well behaved. Tantrums are just part of growing up after all, but that doesn’t make it any less stressful listening to the shrill cries of a little kid not getting her way. She also has this habit of bashing her head into things when she doesn’t get what she wants. She threw herself onto the floor the other day so hard I thought she was going to have a bruise on her forehead. If she keeps that up, I’m going to have to ask her doctor about that… It doesn’t really seem right that she wants to hurt herself like that. Of course she is my first, so maybe that’s a normal toddler phase? Idk… better to be safe than have CPS knocking on my door…

I haven’t really had time to look into it just yet, but I think we might go to the local YMCA and do some swim lessons during the rest of the winter. Depending on the price, and if they actually have a toddler class. She loved the pool so much last year, and I think getting out of the house once a week and keeping her entertained will help with the tantrums. It will be good for me to get out and do something too. I just have to make time to actually go up there and inquire about a membership or the class.

Lets see… I think that’s about everything that’s happened in the past few weeks while I was on blogging hiatus… at least that’s all I can remember, but my mind is still in a bit of a fog from the knock in the head so… I could be missing something. lol. Oh well. Until later Bloggies. 🙂